Devils Backbone
by Reclaimer4theB.O.B
Summary: One horrible night changed everything and left Maddie devastated. Now, after a year of healing Maddie rewards herself with some R&R, but she never would have imagined that, in her seclusion, she would find the one man she was fated to be with. But with HYDRA trying to find him and his own demons eating at him, will they be able to make it work? (Soulmate AU) BuckyxOC
1. Chapter 1

Prolog

"Mom? Mom where are you?" Maddie screamed into the night while trying to tread water. The storm had come upon them to fast for their boat to make it back to San Juan Island. Now the wind, rain, and waves all buffeted Maddie as she desperately searched the black water for her mother. Hearing the frantic ringing of a bell, Maddie swam quickly towards the sound. Unable to see much around her in the dark night, Maddie didn't know to brace herself when a wave picked her up, slamming her into the side of a large ocean buoy.

The impact knocked the breath from her and, disoriented from the crash, Maddie fell back into the churning water. Gasping and coughing, Maddie pulled herself up and onto the platform. She wrapped her arms and legs around the rough freezing metal, holding on to the beams for all she was worth. When a large wave struck her from the side causing the buoy to tip at a dangerous angle, Maddie tightened her hold on her metal lifeline. Too numb to feel the time roughened metal or sharp barnacles cutting into her. Back and forth, up and down; the waves tossed her buoy around with violent force.

The storm seemed to grow more intense as time went on. At one point a receding wave dropped the buoy down causing the following wave to swallow her; the force of it slamming the side of her head into the metal beam. Maddie cried out in pain; tears and seawater mixing with blood to pour down her face. She heard a sound in the distance but with the constant ringing of the buoys' bell and what was surely a concussion, Maddie didn't trust the hope that flared in her heart. Slowly the adrenalin gave way to exhaustion and, numb from the cold, she didn't feel seaweed wrap around her, anchoring her more firmly to her lifeline. There she sat all alone in the dark ocean with the storm raging around her; the ever-present bell ringing out a desperate call for help.

Ding-ding

Ding-ding

Ding-ding

Chapter 1

"So going camping?"

The question from the cashier brought Maddie out of the dark ocean and back to the checkout line of the sporting goods store she was actually in. The constant beeping of the cash register had sent her back to that horrible night and now the cashier was giving her weird look. This whole situation needed to end quickly but to be fair she did have two carts full purchases and had been zoning out for God knows how long so maybe he was right to look at her like she was crazy. Looking around the sporting goods store Madison figured she had taken a good chunk of their stock. "So, this is everything on your list….how long did you say you were going camping for?"

The teenage boy said trying to break the silence due to the awkwardly long check out process they were both in. Looking down at the shopping list on the counter then over to her packed shopping carts full of bags, Maddie moved a lock of ash blond hair absentmindedly behind her ear before answering.

"Three months is the plan, but only if the weather where I'm going stays nice. My family has a cabin in the Wenatchee National forest area. A couple of miles away from a campground, its old but after a couple of months of updating; it at least is leak free and has running water."

"Well then shit I think you're over packed." The boy laughed holding up the two-person tent he just rang up. "If you're not going to be sleeping outside then why would you need a tent and a tarp? And if you don't mind me asking, three months is a long time for one person to be alone in the woods."

Liking this better than the awkward silence she laughed and explained. "I'm a nature photographer and have been dying to go out there for a while so I may be overpacking a little." She laughed again as he held up a six-pack of thermal gloves. "I would rather have way too much than not enough."

"That's good thinking when you're going to a new place by yourself." He said while ringing up the last item on the counter. "Whelp that's everything I hope you have a big trunk."

After paying for enough supplies that a family of four could camp for the three months, she flashed him a big smile and pushed the overloaded carts through the store's main doors and navigated her way to her rented silver SUV. Packing it all in was a little like Tetris but after moving her three bags of luggage to the passenger seat she was able to cram everything in.

'_Thank God for the folding down back row, ok Madison let's get this show on the road.' _

She thought to herself while pulling out of the store parking lot. She was just merging onto the highway when Carry on My Wayward Son by Kansas started playing from her cell phone, smiling at the song she answered happily.

"Hey dad, I'm still in Bellingham but I just finished making my bank account cry, here's hoping the sporting goods store I just left will have a shipment coming in soon. I think I just about cleaned out Costco as well."

A man's deep laugh sounded on the other end. "I did the same thing when I was repairing that place over the summer. I did some major work on it so you shouldn't have too much trouble when you get there but I kept having this feeling you were going to need help so I put my satellite phone and charger in your bag last night before you left for the airport. Call me when you get to the cabin, it's been empty for a couple of months now and I want to know how everything is holding up." Looking up at the ceiling she silently gave thanks to her father for thinking about the phone. Being able to contact him for help if something major happened to her or her SUV, should have been a bigger priority.

"Will do but it will take me a good three hours to get to the cabin so if you don't hear anything from me by around four feel free to give the sat phone a ring, I'll plug it in when I stop for gas." Unzipping a side pocket in one of the bags next to her, Maddie reached a hand into search blindly for the large phone and its car charger.

"Alright Maddie, drive safe and please be careful out there, I still don't like that you're going to be there for three months alone."

Letting out a small sound of weariness she rubbed her forehead feeling a headache coming on. "Dad we talked about this and even my Doctor said it would be a great idea to get away from everything. I'll be fine, I think the most I have to worry about is being snowed in and both the cabin and I have plenty of fuel if that happens."

"Doctor Abernathy said to get off the Island and away from the ocean for a little bit, not to go into the woods by yourself for three months." Her eyes started to burn and she blinked quickly to stop from tearing up at the memories of what drove her from her home on San Juan Island. That horrible night was the worst thing that had ever happened to Madison. Even after a year of therapy both physical and mental she still had terrible nightmares and anxiety attacks when something would remind her of that night. Unwanted memories came back to her; the biggest wave she had ever seen, the sound if screaming and the icy water.

"Sweetie? Are you still there?" The question jarred Maddie away from the deep dark ocean.

"Sorry dad, ya I'm still here. What were you saying?" He let out a sad sigh before stating again.

"All I was saying is that I'm worried about you, you've been through so much recently. Plus…well what if someone sees what you can do." Letting his words hang in the air Maddie felt the enormous weight of her constant worry. She rubbed at the spot just under her collarbone seeking comfort from a man who she only knew as a name. The name James Buchanan Barnes may look like a masculine handwritten tattoo, however, bold black letters were actually the name of her soulmate. Sitting just under her collarbone was the name of the one man made just for her.

Known as a Soul Mark; it was the name of the one person that could complete you, your other half. Appearing during a person's teenage years; legends say that the marks were meant as a gift to help people find their soulmates. Some people treasure it, looking forward to someday meeting that person, while others saw it as a curse. But the one thing everyone can agree on is that when it appears it hurts like a bitch.

The pain caught Maddie by surprise one morning when she was sixteen. The sudden sharp sting of it had taken her to her knees; it was like a bee was trapped in her collar. She pulled down the collar of her sweater thinking to release the upset insect but was shocked to watch as black letters wrote themselves on her skin. For a second Maddie thought a ghost was writing their name on her but then it dawned on her. She knew what this was, what those letters meant and she was overjoyed.

Maddie tried to be patient but growing up in a small town on San Juan Island, while nice, was still a small town. By the time her mark had shown up, she knew just about everyone in town. Then after nine years of searching for him, Maddie figured her soulmate just wasn't on that island, which was another reason to get away for a while.

'_Maybe I need these three months to get my head on straight but after that who knows I might just take a road trip and see what or who I could find.'_

Laughing to herself over the thought of finding her soulmate while on a road trip she replied. "Dad I need this just as much as you needed that month-long fishing voyage after mom was declared dead. You loved the ocean and needed to get out there and find yourself again while I, well I need to not see it for a while."

"I understand honey; I just wish you would have taken one of your friends with you."

This caused another laugh from her. "Dad, could you see Callie or Kim going out in the woods with me on a 'finding myself' mission? No, will maybe Kim if there was alcohol and a hot tub available but then again I don't think you're supposed to bring a friend when you're trying to find yourself."

They joked around trying to lighten the mood tell she pulled over for gas a half hour later. Telling her dad she would call him when she got to the cabin they said their goodbyes and she filled up the SUV. It did indeed take two hours to get to the cabin and she counted herself lucky that the dirt road her dad had made over the summer going back and forth to get new stuff for the cabin was still visible and the rental handled the dirt road like a champ. Driving up Maddie's first impression of the cabin and its small outbuilding was a little underwhelming.

"When dad said it was a 'Cabin in the Woods' type situation he wasn't kidding." She said while getting out of the SUV. It was literally a simple one-story log cabin and a small shed for the generator surrounded by miles of tall evergreen trees. It was like whoever had built the cabin also made the clearing by cutting down the trees for the said cabin. However, the look of the log cabin against the gloomy forest would make a beautiful picture.

She could tell her dad had done some major repairs when he was here, the old wooden roof had new black shingles with a small solar panel and a rebuilt chimney. The front porch looked new as well and there was a nice sturdy front door with three heavy duty locks.

Maddie figured finding the generator was her first priority, being here in the cold and dark by herself was not something she wanted to experience for her first night. Walking towards the small shed, she smiled as she saw the big cables going into the ground. Following their assumed destination, she was happy to see they connected to the cabins breaker box. The shed door opened with a loud creak and led into a small room that had enough space for the large generator and a small table. Turning on the large electric lantern that sat on the table she saw a laminated piece of paper that read 'How to use generator'. Chuckling Maddie went about learning how to use the said machine.

"All right," she said to the generator when it came to life, "I only need you to work with me for three months so don't make any trouble and there won't be any trouble." Setting it to turn off at midnight and back on at 7 am, she locked the shed back up and made her way inside. "Now let's see what I have to work with."

* * *

Authors Note

Hi,

Thank you for reading my story. This is my first fanfiction so please be nice if you leave a comment.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Walking up the porch steps, Maddie unlocked three separate locks and slowly pushed opened the front door. A rush of musty old air blasted her in the face, and she staggered back coughing. The inside of the cabin was composed of one large room separated into three different areas, the kitchen, dining room, and a living room, and on the right, a small hallway led off to the bedroom and bathroom. "It's not much but I can work with it," Maddie said as she looked around noticing that all the furniture was covered in sheets. Setting her keys on a small covered table next to the door; she went back outside to unpack her car. Starting with her three bags, she lugged them into the bedroom at the back of the house. Stopping for a look around, she saw that her dad had put sheets over the furniture in here as well. Guessing from the look of the white shapes, there was a queen size bed, dresser, two nightstands, and two lamps. "Well, at least the basics are covered." Leaving her bags on the bed she hurried to get everything inside before it got too dark.

Thinking it would be better to just haul everything into the cabin and sort it out in the morning; she called her father to check in and begin gargantuan task of unloaded her car.

"Hey dad," Maddie said as she took plastic bags from her trunk.

"Hey sweetheart, how was the drive?"

"It was good; I just got here a little bit ago."

"How does everything look?"

"Well everything is still standing but driving down the dirt path was annoying." Dropping her load in the living room, Maddie turned to repeat the process. "Driving on the moon would have been smoother."

There was a pause before her dad spoke again. "Maybe I should call Mark and see if he can get some guys to go over and lay down some gravel. It would be better than nothing."

"Mark? Who's Mark?" Maddie stopped in her task to give her father her attention.

"Mark Donnelly, the contractor I hired to help update and renovate the cabin. I'm sure he knows someone in the area who can add a gravel road to the property."

"Oh right, that guy." Smiling, Maddie returned to work. "Ok, let me know if you get in touch with him. I don't know why you guys didn't just add one, to begin with."

"Yeah, that was something we discussed but with how much work needed to be done on the building, it just got tossed to the back burner; but I'll find his number and give him a call, just drive really slowly tell then."

"Will do dad."

* * *

It was well into the evening by the time she had taken everything into the cabin. All she wanted to do now was eat and sleep, however making herself food in her new kitchen was going to take some getting used to. Said kitchen was in the corner next to the front door and in serious need of an update. It sported a white fridge from the 70s and a small electric white stove that seemed like it was from the same time period. In between the two appliances, there was an L shaped countertop that Maddie thought might have been a light blue laminate at one point and a dusty metal sink. The small window above the sink was a nice touch but the glass was so dirty she couldn't even see out. Looking around she noted that all the windows could use some TLC…so could the floors and while all the furniture had been protected with sheets, she was pretty sure everything needed a good scrubbing.

"To tired to deal with that right now, must make food and go to bed." She said zombie-like to herself while putting her Costco food haul away around the kitchen. The fridge, she found out, was connected to the solar panels but hadn't been on. It would be cold enough for food in the morning but for now, she kept that stuff in a large cooler. All she had the energy for was making a couple of peanut butter and banana sandwiches and grabbing a bottle of water anyways.

"And maybe two or three of you." She said to the Oreo package she sat down on the counter. Locking up and turning off the lights in the main living area, she made her way to the bedroom with her dinner.

"Oh right." she sighed as she looked around her still sheet covered room. "Well looks like I'm eating and cleaning." Setting her paper plate down on the bed she went to work uncovering the furniture and was pleasantly surprised by the outcome. All the furniture was made with strong dark oak planks giving the room a masculine feel. The dresser had six sturdy drawers and the two matching nightstands held small lamps made from cream-colored antlers.

"Well, I guess I should count myself lucky that dad only has antler lamps and not the whole head as a wall trophy." Maddie said while moving her now empty dinner plate to a nightstand. She took the final sheet off to reveal a tall bed that completed the bedroom set. It was quite nice with a large head and footboard of the same dark oak. The bedding and pillows were sitting on the bed in a large Ziplock storage bag and the mattress looked to be still fresh and clean.

"You may look brand new but I'm still going to take you out back tomorrow to air out," Maddie said to the mattress. Even though her body longed to stretch out and sleep for eight hours straight she wouldn't use the sheets tell she could wash them. So walking back into the living room she searched around till she found her two-person sleeping bag.

"Thank god they make these; I would feel trapped all night if it was any smaller." Returning to her room she laid the bag over the bare mattress, dug her pillow out of her luggage and started on her nightly routine. Unfortunately, this meant going into the bathroom, the one room she hadn't been into yet.

'_I guess I should see what types of messes await me there.'_

Putting her shoes on just in case, she crossed the hall, pushed open the door and was met with total darkness. Flipping the switch with a loud click, the lights slowly started to illuminate the bathroom. Nervously she glanced around the dusty room but found nothing out of the ordinary, till her eyes landed on the giant spider in the upper right corner of the shower. Letting out a shriek she took a step back, never taking her eyes off the shower beast.

"Well shit, I'm going to have to take care of this right now. If I just hide in my I won't get any sleep, ill wonder where it is all night." Giving herself the greatest pep talk she could muster, Maddie quickly ran in with a can of aerosol hair spray and gave the spider a good soaking then ran back out closing the door before it could retaliate.

"Ok step one poison and disorientate the Hell spawn so it will move away from the corner." She peaked back into the room and screamed when she saw it moving down the wall towards her. Throwing all caution to the wind she ripped off her shoe and slammed it as hard as she could at the wall where the spider had stopped. The bang reverberated off the walls then everything was quiet again, save for Maddie's heavy breathing.

"Shit…fuck…shit." She breathed out slowly removing her shoe, the now dead spider fell off the wall leaving behind a nasty mark. "Well, I've done my heroic deed for the day." Acting quickly she grabbed the spider with a paper towel and flung it out the living room window. "Fuck you nature I'm going to bed." With that, she turned on her heel and marched right back to her room.

Changing into an oversized black shirt that sported a quote from her favorite TV show, socks, and some dark blue sweatpants, Maddie picked up one of the romance novels she brought with her and crawled into her sleeping bag. Turning off the bedside lamps she tucked in for some light reading with her phone as a flashlight. She only got one chapter into her book before the quiet of the woods around her lulled her into a deep dreamless sleep.

* * *

Author's Notes

Thank you to everyone that has read chapter one and chapter two, it means so much to me!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The shock of sudden music cutting through the quiet woke Maddie the next morning at seven. Jolting up, she searched the area for the offending noise, annoyed at herself for setting the bubbly pop song as her alarm.

"Oh shit, my heart." She exclaimed when the room was quiet once again. Falling dramatically down on her pillow she turned to glare at her phone. "Well, I guess I'm up now."

The cabin was cold this morning, so Maddie decided to try her hand at starting up a fire. Slipping on a sweatshirt she turned on some music and made her way to the living room. Standing in the middle of the room she looked around with fresh eyes. It would be much bigger when she cleaned up the pile of bags she brought in yesterday. Taking in a deep breath, she grimaced at the lingering smell of dust and mildew. Turning toward the large fireplace she spotted a binder that said 'Read me' in big bold letters. She laughed when she picked it up and skimmed through her father's notes. Flipping through the pages she found instructions on how to start a fire and went over to open the damper. When a gust of cold air sliced through her, Maddie jumped up and looked around for some newspaper. A large metal tub sat next to the wall, full of paper, chopped wood and a long reach lighter. Grabbing the paper, she quickly lit it and held it up to 'prime the flue'. She followed the instructions tell she had a nice little fire going that would hopefully warm the cabin up soon.

Walking over to the kitchen, Maddie made herself another peanut butter and banana sandwich before checking on the fridge. Satisfied with how the temperature had dropped; she started emptying her coolers while reading the rest of the binder. One page, in particular, caught her attention.

"Shit, how do I turn on the water?" Thinking it would just be easier to ask, Maddie made her way back to her room for the sat phone. Her dad picked up after the second ring.

"You're not in trouble already are you?" He said sounding a little worried.

"Well good morning to you to dad, and no ye of little faith I'm not in trouble. I just had some questions about turning on the water. I found your binder of notes, but I want to get this right the first time."

* * *

It took a half-hour but by the time they had said their goodbyes, Maddie had water and a warmer cabin. Thinking that cleaning would be a great way to stay warm she turned up her music and tackled the living room with gusto. Moving all her camping stuff to a corner so she would have a walkway, Maddie opened the rustic looking back doors and walked out onto a covered patio. Leaning against the natural wood hand railing she let herself relax for a few minutes. Drinking in the morning beauty of the coniferous forest and breathing in the refreshing crisp air.

The trees in this area were old and huge, towering above the small cabin. It was overcast today and the dark shadowy forest around her was quiet, giving it a mysterious and isolating feel. This was the first time Maddie realized just how alone in this part of the forest she really was. Shaking off the tingles of nervousness, she turned back around leaving the large double doors open; reemerging moments later lugging her large mattress with her. It just fit through the doors on its side and she propped it up against the railing to air out. Putting her hand against her back, Maddie stretched and let out a satisfied moan when it gave several loud pops.

"Ok, hopefully, nothing else will be that heavy." She turned around going back inside; her next task was uncovering the living room. Taking the sheets off Maddie laughed when she realized her dad must have done a one-stop shopping trip with all the furniture. The side, coffee and dining room tables plus its four chairs were all made from the same dark oak as the bedroom set. The deer antler lamps must have been on sale because they were all over the place. When she uncovered the dark brown leather sofa and overstuffed armchair, Maddie was beginning to realize that, with her mom gone, her dads decorating style had reverted back to that of a man cave.

When she talked to him, her dad told her there was a washing machine located in the bathroom but no dryer. So, scooping up an armload of sheets she had collected from the two rooms, she made her way to the bathroom. The washer, like the kitchen appliances, was old but it would work. Maddie opened the top lid, stuck all the sheets in, gave it some detergent and let it do its thing. Looking around the bathroom with a sigh she vowed to give it a much-needed cleaning before the day ended.

Getting tired of music, Maddie switched to a podcast and went about setting the cabin to rights. She spent the rest of the afternoon sweeping, mopping, dusting and scrubbing everything in the living room and bedroom. Exhausted, she fell onto the sofa letting her sore backrest and was happy with the clean pine smell that filled the room. The sheets had been washed and now hung from a clothesline on the deck. Her mattress had been brought back in and the bed had been made. And after an hour of scrubbing, Maddie could now see the view around her from the clean windows. With a groan, she got back to her feet and went to the bathroom with her cleaning equipment. Turning on the lights she looked around at the very 70s bathroom tell her eyes landed on the spider webs in the corners of the room.

"I need wine." She said while turning on her heal heading for the kitchen.

* * *

After an hour and one solo cup of white wine later, the bathroom was just about done. The wood floors had been mopped, cobwebs cleaned, and spiders killed. The wooden cabinets had been cleaned inside and out, and the blue shower, sink, washer, and toilet all had been scrubbed within an inch of their lives. She was cleaning the light fixtures while glaring at the offensive floor to ceiling light and dark blue flock wallpaper when her stomach decided to let her know it was beyond hungry. Jumping down off the light blue linoleum countertops, Maddie glared one more time at the dingy old wallpaper.

"I'll deal with you later." Then she went to see just how well the stove would work. "I got to hand it to the makers of all these old appliances, at least they all still work." Earlier in her cleaning spree, while giving the kitchen a thorough scrubbing, she found an old pot and pan set her dad must have bought from a store in town. Then came across mismatched dishes and silverware her dad probably found at a garaged sale. Making a quick lemon and ricotta pasta with sautéed broccoli and refilling her cup with more white wine, she went back to the bathroom, this time for pleasure.

Maddie plugged up the bath and ate while the tub was filling up. She added some Epsom salts and apple cider bubble bath and soon the room smelled of spice. Getting out of her grimy clothes she slipped into the luxurious bath with a moan of pure bliss, letting the water and wine ease her tired body. While enjoying her hot bath, Maddie started making plans for tomorrow. It would be the first of many outings into the forest that she would take and Maddie hoped the weather would stay dry. It was getting close to mid-September and she didn't want to have to break out her tent this soon into her trip.

"I'll just play it by ear." She groaned while reaching for the book sitting on the toilet. "Now let's see if I can get past chapter two without falling asleep." Sipping her wine, Maddie sank deeper into the tub and opened her book to where she last left off; blissfully unaware of the man walking silently through the trees and away from her cabin. He had moved around the woods all day watching her without her ever realizing he was there. Before he disappeared into the shadows once again; the man stopped to look back at the brightly lit cabin, a deep frown on his handsome face.

* * *

Authors note

Thank you to everyone that has read and also followed/favorited this story :) you're all so awesome!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Thinking ahead the night before, Maddie turned off her alarm and was able to wake up slowly the next morning in a much more enjoyable manner. Getting out of bed with a yawn, Maddie stretched out her loose muscles and joints, moaning happily when she felt several satisfying pops. Turning to make her bed, she paused, wondering how she had managed to wrap the blanket around her sleeping bag. Yanking one side free, she made a mental note that, before the weather got much colder, she would need to get some more substantial bedding. Her dad had only bought sheets and a light quilt, which would have worked out fine for him in the summer but for a petite woman, like herself, who had more boobs then body fat, it wouldn't be enough to keep her warm in the winter.

Making her way to the bathroom she took off her tank top and sweatpants setting them on top of the washer. After taking a long hot shower and putting on light jeans, a black long sleeve Henley shirt and dark gray boots she came out of the bathroom smelling like an apple pie. She braided the front of her long blond hair in a headband style to keep it out of her face, leaving the rest to fall in soft waves down to the middle of her back. Walking back to her room she grabbed her brown fur-lined army green jacket, her camera bag and a bag for her phone and tarp.

Exiting out the back door she walked down the few stairs till she reached the ground. Looking around she saw a small trail that would take her deeper into the forest. Making her way to the first tree she took a spool of yellow ribbon out of her pocket and tied some around one of the branches. When it was secure, she started down the trail, stopping every few yards to tie a bow on another tree. No one in her life had ever said she had a good sense of direction and she knew from experience that she tended to wonder. Marking her trail was the only way she would be able to find the cabin if she got sidetracked.

She had only made it a few yards down the trail when she started feeling uneasy; like someone was watching her. Maddie looked around the woods seeing nothing but trees.

"Hello?" She called out then looked around, waiting for someone to answer. When no one replied she pulled her camera bag higher onto her shoulder and continued walking. Going down the trail for another half hour, Maddie tied off ribbons and took pictures of whatever caught her eye. Still feeling uneasy, she sang to herself as she walked through the quiet forest trying to focus on her work.

Hearing flowing water, she slowly made her way down the trail. The forest around her thinned till she came across a small clearing and a deep fast-flowing stream. Letting her backpack fall to the ground she stretched her arms above her head and took in the beautiful scenery.

The stream cut through a large stand of trees and when the sun broke through the clouds the clearing came alive with shadows. A small breeze cooled her face and Maddie sat down on a large boulder to relax. Holding up her camera she took several pictures of the water lapping at the rocky banks and a leaf that carefully made its voyage downstream. Seeing a flattish rock peeking out of the water Maddie took a step towards it then froze. She stared at it then looked downstream, gauging how deep the water was.

'_Come on just take a quick look. Maybe there will be something worth taking a picture of.'_

Giving herself a little shake, Maddie took a nervous step towards the water. The sound of a bell startled her out of her daze, and she fell to her knees. When a woman started to sing along with the chimes Maddie let out an angry sigh; dropping her head to her chest.

"Fuck." Maddie breathed in and out, quickly changing the song. "Come on this is dumb!" Angrily taking off her shoes and socks she rolled up her pants and waded in to stand on the rock. Shivering as the icy water tugged at her ankles, she quickly snapped as many pictures as she could without moving too much. Turning around slowly she looked downstream to see what would work with the lighting. She had an ok shot from where she stood but there was an old fire pit downstream that didn't appeal to her.

"Nope, it's not worth being in the water."

Carefully she made her way back to her bag. Drying off, she put her shoes and socks back on and walked a little further up the stream. Looking around she found a small patch of vibrant wildflowers. Knowing that this was probably the last few days of life for the little pink flowers she spread out her tarp and ran back for her bags. Feeling frazzled, she wanted to take her time with these shots. Having everything close would be better than running back and forth if she needed something.

"Smile pretty." She said to the flowers with a laugh as she lined up her shot. "Hmmm, maybe if I just..." She said quietly while sitting up to look around. "No one will know if I give you guys a little makeover." She carefully cupped her hands around the small flowers, slowly breathing in and out. Her palms began to heat up and she smiled as she felt a petal move against her fingers. When she opened her hands again the flowers looked fresh and a new bud had even sprouted. Lying down with a happy smile she took several pictures of the flowers from close to far away. They were a shocking spot of pink in another wise shadowy forest and would make beautiful pictures.

Maddie continued taking pictures around the stream for a few hours tell some dark clouds started to roll in, blocking out the light and threatening the area with rain. Cleaning up her stuff, she gave one last look at her flowers before making her way back up the trail. Turning up her music, Maddie sang while flipping through the pictures on her camera.

* * *

A few minutes after she left, when her voice couldn't be heard anymore, a man dressed in all black emerged from the shadows. Slowly he made his way across the stream and over to the pink flowers. Crouching down to look at them more closely, he investigated the petals. With a deep frown on his serious face, he rubbed a petal between two fingers.

"What did she do to these?" His voice was rough and gravelly from disuse. He was intrigued when he saw her cup the flowers and even more so when she released them, and they looked fresh. Thinking that she might be a threat to him, he had watched the woman all morning. She was by far the easiest person he had ever followed; even if she hadn't marked her trail with a ribbon, he would have still been able to track her. She laughed, talked to herself and sang along to the music coming from her phone.

By the time she reached the stream he had decided that, even if she did discover him and advanced on him in a threatening manner, he could easily subdue her. He ended up putting away his weapons, but curiosity got the better of him and he continued to watch her. He didn't know why he stayed, hidden behind the thick foliage of a large bush; it was as if he was drawn to her. Dismissing the fanciful thought, he wrote off the feeling as just being curious about a woman alone in the woods so close to winter.

When that thought came to mind the want to be near her rose up and, without thinking, he clenched his fist; slamming it down hard into the ground. The need to follow her back to her cabin, to make sure she got home safe, was strong but his training was stronger. With sheer force of will, he shoved the feeling away and focused on calming his fractured thoughts. Slowly, he was able to get himself back under control; breathing away the instinctual reflex to search for her trail, brought on by the weapon that HYDRA had made him into; their Soldier. When he opened his hand again, he felt a moment of remorse when he saw the crushed flower but, with a sigh, he wiped the remanence off his hand. Getting up, he turned to go back over the stream, subconsciously rubbing at the name on his upper arm the whole way.

He needed quiet.

He needed peace.

He needed to be alone.

* * *

Author's note- I hope you enjoyed this chapter, thanks for reading.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note- Hey, just wanted to give you, my dear reader, a heads up/warning. This chapter has a "different" POV description of the scene where Bucky has his mind wiped (/is basically tortured). I'm sorry if the scene is upsetting to anyone. I'm also sorry if the Russian is wrong, it is not a language I know so I had to use google translate.  
**

* * *

Chapter 5

Maddie got home right before the rain started to come down heavily; rushing up the flight of stairs that led to the covered back deck; she unlocked the door and quickly shut if behind her. She shuddered and shook in the temperature difference, her face and hands tingling as they absorbed the warmth of the room. Breathing into her chilled hands, Maddie went to retrieve her laptop from her bedroom, removing and dropping her coat, boots, and bags along the way. Connecting her camera to the computer she went through the motions of downloading her pictures but with how many she took, it was going to take some time. Moving her setup to the coffee table in the living room; Maddie checked the connection and, happy with the progress, let it do its thing.

Leaning her head back against the couch with a sigh, she stared up at the thick wooden beams that made up the roof. "Whelp, now what do I do?" The quiet ambiance of the room filled her mind and her body began to unwind; muscles twitching then relaxing one by one. Maddie let her mind drift, trying to focus only on her breathing. Her doctor had told her to do this more frequently but she, more often than not, lied to him about how much she meditated. But, if she was being honest with herself that was because letting her mind wonder scared her.

After a few minutes of quiet meditation, she opened her eyes and got up, shaking off the lethargy that still gripped her muscles. With a bounce in her step, she went to grab the sat phone from her room; just because this time was successful and hadn't left her with the sound of a bell ringing in her head or the feeling of the cold black water sucking her down, didn't mean she wanted to chance it by giving her mind more time on its own. Typing in Callie's number, she waited for her friend to pick up. It rang only once before the woman answered with an out of breath but enthusiastic, "Hey!"

"Hey Callie, what are you doing?"

"Just running on the beach, I spent the last four hours working on baby; Gabe and I needed some exercise." Callie said while wiping the sweat from her darkly tanned skin.

Maddie shuddered as she remembered the one and only time, she had gone out running with Callie and her energetic golden retriever, Gabriel. She had started out fine but after just two miles on the soft sand, she had thrown in the towel and collapsed on the beach trying to breathe as sweat slid down her forehead. Callie had laughed at Maddie while trying to encourage her to keep going. They had both relaxed there for a minute, Callie watching Gabe race into the water after a flock of seagulls, Maddie jealously watching her mocha-skinned friend breathe slow and evenly. In the end, the two were waved off with an exaggerated, 'Go on without me.'

"Oh, making progress?" Maddie said, shaking away the annoying memory, and got up to restart the fire in the hearth as her friend talked for the next twenty minutes about the 1967 Chevrolet Impala she had been working on for the better part of three years. It was a labor of love for Callie who was a mechanic by trade and all three women couldn't wait till they could drive around in the car from their favorite TV show.

"Oh my God, I have to tell you about the guy I was out with last night," Callie said suddenly, changing the subject with a giggle.

"Had a hot date last night?" Maddie asked, smiling down at the basket of wet laundry she had just picked up.

"Girl you have no idea. His name is Will and he and his friends have a room at Kimmy's Bed and Breakfast. We met a few days ago when I went there to pick up Kimmy for dinner and we got to talking, exchanged numbers, and one thing led to another and we ended up interior decorating last night if you know what I mean." Callie laughed into the long stretch of silence that was cut off abruptly by a groan of annoyance.

"God, I knew getting you that book of sexual innuendos last Christmas for a white elephant gift was a mistake. I should have gone with my gut and just gotten you the Fifty Shades of Chicken Cookbook like I wanted to, we could at least have all enjoyed that. No, you know what, I should have chucked it into the harbor while you and Kimmy were on the karaoke machine," Maddie complained as she moved her wet laundry to the clothesline outside so they could air dry.

"Oh, come on Maddie you know you love it." Callie said in between her laughter.

They talked for another half hour before they said their goodbyes; Maddie promising to call again later that week. Making her way back inside, she checked in on the progress of the download and found that it was almost done; so, grabbing a pear and a bag of barbeque chips, Maddie ate while looking over the pictures. She gave them a quick run-through, separating them into folders and made a mental note to take her laptop into town soon. They might have a library where she could print some off, testing how they would look on paper.

Maddie worked on small edits till seven rolled around then, calling it quits, she went about making a quick dinner of chicken and risotto, with Oreos for dessert. Snuggling into bed, she ate while looking through the movies she had downloaded on her laptop. After her talk with Callie, she was feeling more than a little lonely and decided to put on one of her favorite old comedy's, Groundhogs Day. She ended up acting out or quoting most of the movie while trying not to choke on her food as she laughed. Feeling better, Maddie took her empty plate back to the kitchen, to wash and put it away. After that, she closed-up the rest of the house; extinguishing the embers still smoldering in the fireplace, checking the locks on the doors and turning out the light. Returning to her room, she burrowed under the covers and started another movie but didn't make it past the first twenty minutes before she was asleep.

* * *

Back when Maddie was sixteen and her soul mark first appeared; she started having the same dream a handful of times almost every month. Over the last year, however, it had to fight for time against her nightmares of the dark ocean and the sound of bells. She hadn't been having it more than once or twice a month; which was unfortunate because it was a much better dream. In said dream, she was lying down in an open field under the shade of a large tree. A man would walk up to her and Maddie would smile as he lay down on his side facing her. Her heart would start a quick pace and the skin on her face would heat up. The happiness and love she would feel for the man would flood into her soul, like a dam breaking, and Maddie would search his face, hoping that, maybe this time, she could see him but either she couldn't or didn't remember it. She always woke up feeling frustrated, her soul crying out for a man she didn't know.

But tonight, the dream was different, this time she had more control. Realizing this, she sat up with a start and began looking around for the man. A fluttering sensation against her legs caught her attention and she glanced down to see she was wearing a cream-colored sundress. While appreciating the dress, she almost missed a flicker of movement from the tree line just beyond the meadow.

Looking up sharply, Maddie saw the man walking out of the dark forest into the light. He was tall with broad muscular shoulders and would tower over her even when she was standing. His stride was long but cautious, not the easy glide of a man without a care, he seemed ready to strike out at an unseen foe in a moment's notice. His long legs ate up the distance between them and soon he was standing over her. Craning her neck up to see him; Maddie was annoyed that, even now, she couldn't see his face clearly.

While the two studied each other, a wave of desire to be near this man washed over Maddie. Patting the grass next to her, she invited him to lie down. Taking his usual spot beside her they both turned to face each other. The pull Maddie felt was so strong that she unknowingly reached out to touch him. When her fingertips brushed his left arm, however, her pleasant dream turned into a nightmare.

White-hot pain sizzled through Maddie, running up and down her spine and searing into her brain. She squeezed her eyes closed, sucking in deep gulps of air. When she opened her eyes again she found that everything had changed. The sunny meadow was gone, replaced by metal and dim lights. Strange men walked around talking to each other, no one seemed to care that she had suddenly appeared in the room with them. Her heart seemed to stop, shudder then kick start into a frantic beat while her eyes darted all around the room. She tried to turn her head and look around, but it wouldn't move…nothing would move.

That's when she realized her whole body wasn't responding to anything she wanted it to do and panic set in. She strained her eyes to see where she was, but the room was too dark to make out anything. She figured out that she was sitting in a really uncomfortable chair right before someone turned on a bright light directly over her head, blinding her for a few seconds. Someone to her left started talking and it was like she both knew and didn't know the language. Nothing was making sense and that was terrifying.

"Hey, where am I!?" Maddie yelled at the man talking. She tried to look at him, but she still couldn't move her head at all. He didn't respond, in fact, it seemed like he didn't hear her. "Hello!?" Maddie tried to scream but to her horror, no words were coming out, she couldn't even open her mouth. She was trapped inside her head! Nausea and horror rolled over her and she couldn't catch the rest of the conversation the men around her were having. It wasn't until someone entered her line of sight that she calmed down enough to understand what they were saying.

"Мы будем бить его и начинать" The man eyeing her like a bug under a microscope said, however, at the same time it came out as. "We will wipe him and start over."

She felt her body sigh and her head move on its own, she was now looking down as metal bands locked around her wrists. That's when she noticed that her hands were large and strong, the hands of a man, and the left one was…metal? That fact through her for a loop but before she could inspect it further, the back of the chair she was sitting in started to decline. It stopped moving when she was almost horizontal. Looking up, she saw a contraption of metal and wires above her. When that started to slowly lower down Maddie wanted to panic, but her breathing came out deep and even. Maddie tried struggling; she fought to move her head, her neck, her body…anything but nothing worked! She knew whatever that thing coming towards her was; it wasn't going to be good.

"NO! NO, PLEASE TURN IT OFF! PLEASE NO!" She screamed over and over in her head, and then it made contact. She flinched as the cold metal slid itself onto the sides of her face. One came to rest on her right cheek and the other went from her forehead on her left side all the way to her left cheek. The bigger one was terrifying because it covered her left eye. If she could have cried at that moment, she knew she would have been sobbing, pleading with them to let her go. Something was forced between her teeth then she heard a click and the plates locked into their desired destination. There was a moment of stillness and the anticipation of what was to come was horrible; then the pain started.

She screamed and screamed, dimly aware that it was a man's scream of pain and anguish coming out of her mouth. Her body was thrashing out in pain trying and failing to break free of the metal bonds holding her to the torturous chair. The pain was too much, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't think. Her mind felt like it was on fire like they had shoved a red-hot poker into her brain. She needed it to stop; tried begging but all that came out were more cries of pain.

Finally, when she thought she would die; her body jolted up into a sitting position. She let out a hoarse cry and panted, trying and failing to suck in air. With her lungs trying desperately to get oxygen to her muscles and her brain telling her to run away; her eyes couldn't focus on anything. Whirling around blindly, Maddie touched something smooth and metallic. Everything in her froze then she exploded into action. Thinking it was the metal bands reaching up to trap her wrists again, she scooted away quickly only to fall backward onto the hard-wood floor. The shock of the impact knocked the air from her lungs and she laid there for a minute trying to bring her surroundings into focus. Maddie reached up for anything and found the windowsill, using it to steady herself she stood on wobbly legs.

Quickly she unlocked and threw open the window, letting the cool forest air sooth her terrified mind. Unable to hold back anymore, a large body racking sob left her mouth. Then her whole body was shaking, and she felt tears pour down her face. Walking unsteadily back to bed she wrapped herself in the quilt and buried her face in her pillow; sobbing out all her pain and fear. But she jolted up suddenly and looked back out the window. It was faint, and she didn't know how she heard it over her own cries of anguish, but somewhere in the dark forest, a man screamed out in agony.

* * *

Author's note- I hope you enjoyed this chapter, thanks for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

The rest of the night passed slowly for Maddie. Something had triggered in her mind after hearing that horrible cry of pain. For the rest of the night, she relived her life-threatening fight with the storm. Only this time instead of hearing what she now knew was the rescue helicopter searching for survivors; she heard a man's cry of pain rolling across the waves. After waking up in a panicked daze for the second time that night, Maddie figured sleep was a lost cause. For two hours she laid in bed watching the shadows recede as the morning came, and when eight o'clock rolled around she felt like she hadn't slept at all. Not wanting to be alone with her thoughts, Maddie grabbed the satellite phone and called her friend Kim. It rang three times before a sleepy voice said, "hello?"

"Hey, Kimmy, sorry it's so early but I just needed to talk to someone. I had a weird night and, I don't know, I guess I just needed to talk."

On the other end of the line, a tall woman with long chocolate brown hair quietly got out of her bed and quickly made her way out of her bedroom. She smiled at the still sleeping form in her bed before closing the door and answering her friend, "Its ok Maddie, I'm glad you called, I needed to talk to you as well. But before that; what's wrong? I've been worried about you all alone out there and now your calling me at eight in the morning. What happened?" Alarm raced through Kimmy and she quickly rushed on, "You're not hurt are you, because Callie and I will catch the next ferry and be there by the end of the day if you need us to."

Turning over to lay on her side, Maddie smiled before reassuring her friend. "No, nothing like that and no, while I know you two would steal a ferry boat if I really needed you to, I'm fine. I just had a horrible nightmare and it brought back some of my own feelings from that night and now I just can't get it out of my head."

With a sigh of relief, Kimmy slumped down the wall, coming to rest on the top step of her hallway landing.

Thankful to have someone to talk to, Maddie opened-up to her friend, telling her all about her horrible night, even shedding a few tears as she talked. All the while, Kimmy listened, wiping her own eyes as she heard the pain in her best friend's voice.

"I'm so sorry you went through that Maddie, I'm not sure what the change in the dream means, it's always been so consistent, but if it was as real as you say it was, then it has to mean something. Look, sweetheart, this is obviously not helping you relax and heal, the reason you're out there, maybe you should come back or at least have Callie and I join you."

"No," Maddie replied quickly before sighing. "I'm having a great time here and I think it IS helping but your right about it meaning something and don't get me wrong, I would love to have you guys here but not right now. I just," running her hand through her hair, Maddie was quiet as she tried to search her mind for the right words. "I feel like something is…going to…I don't know, happen maybe. I feel like I'm right where I need to be."

Maddie heard soft chuckling before her friend replied, "Oh you have a feeling, do you? I remember you saying something very similar almost every day after we graduated from high school, remember; you would drag Callie and I with you to the pier to watch people on the ferry boat. 'Todays the day, Kimmy I can feel it.'" Kimmy said in a very bad (in Maddie's opinion) impression of a teenage Maddie.

"Yeah yeah ok I get it, but you can't blame me for being hopeful especially when I was that young and stupid. And it wasn't every day; you make me sound like some lovesick stocker."

"No, not a stocker, you just wear your heart on your sleeve and…umm…this actually segways quite nicely for me." Kimmy paused, trying to figure out how to say her next words but she took too long and the meaning of what she had just said clicked into place for Maddie.

"You found him, didn't you?" Maddie said softly but with a bubble of excitement climbing up her throat."

"I did!" Kimmy said with a quiet squeal. "We met yesterday on the beach, I was taking a walk when it started to rain but you know me, always prepared for whatever happens and I had an umbrella with me. Well anyway, I was walking along, enjoying myself when I saw a gorgeous man running down the beach trying to cover his head with his coat. I jogged over to him and offered to share my umbrella."

"That was a little dangerous don't you think, walking up to a stranger on the beach." Maddie interrupted with a chuckle.

"Oh, shut up. Anyways, He thanked me profusely, in this amazing Irish accent, and asked if I would walk with him back to his hotel. I said yes and we introduce ourselves, or well I did, and he looked at me with this weird look and when he asked if the name Jason Mathis McBride meant anything to me, I instantly dropped my umbrella." She giggled at the memories, "we spent the next few minutes chasing it around the beach." She ended with a laugh. "Oh, Maddie, it was magical, we spent all day together just talking and well," another long pause.

"Oh my God he's still there, isn't he?" Maddie laughed at her friends' discomfort, "Well now I know you won't be coming to stay with me, not when you found your Jason. Oh, Kim, I'm over the moon with happiness for you. I'm going to have to meet him soon, you know, to make sure he's good enough for you."

"I'm really glad you called, to tell you the truth I was a little worried about telling you. I know how much you want to find James and with everything that's happened, I don't know I was just worried."

"You worry way too much. Am I jealous, hell yes but am I upset that you found your Soul Mate, never. I'm so happy for you that I could burst." Maddie smiled even as her heart shrank with jealousy and longing. "Oh my God, he's still there, ok I'm going to let you go but you have to call me later, I need details!"

"Ok, talk to you soon and call me if you need anything from an ear to an extraction, I'm always here." They both hung up and Maddie tossed the phone away. She was telling Kimmy the truth; she was happy for her friend and after their talk, she did feel more grounded. But now she had a new ache in her heart.

Finally feeling the chill in the air Maddie slowly got up, groaning when a headache hit her like a truck. She wanted something sweet to lift her spirit so, after starting a fire; she went to the kitchen to boil milk for hot chocolate. Pouring a cup of the steaming sweet liquid she trudged down the hall and into the bathroom. Clicking the lights on, Maddie sighed when she saw her reflection.

"Well don't I look like a zombie." With a sigh, she opened her toiletry bag and dug around for ibuprofen. Taking two she turned on a podcast and started a bubble bath. After blocking the overflow drain with a towel, she slipped into the tub. The feeling of the hot water building up around her helped to soothe her aching head. Knowing today was going to be unproductive she let herself soak in the cinnamon-scented water. All she wanted to do was drink her hot chocolate and listen to someone else's thoughts for a while.

* * *

After a long hour of soaking, the water started to turn cold and, unable to stop it from reminding her of the ocean, Maddie drained the tub and dried off. Goosebumps formed on her damp skin as she quickly rubbed apple pie scented lotion into her body. Dashing to the bedroom, Maddie quickly threw on sweatpants, a blue tank top and a sweatshirt that proclaimed her to be in the 'Team Dean' camp. Returning to the bathroom, she swiped at the fog covering the mirror and gazed into her reflection and was saddened at the woman staring back.

"I thought I was doing better, why do I feel like I'm white-knuckling it right now?" Hoping that some pampering would help lift her spirits, Maddie turned on some soft spa music and opened her large toiletry bag. After washing her face, she applied a clay mask; brushing her teeth and cleaning up the bathroom while it dried. After washing off the dried clay she reached into the bag and grabbed the bottle of unopened metallic rose gold nail polish she had brought. It was a silly thing to bring with her, but it was one of the last things she had bought with her mom and it had felt right to pack it at the time. Gazing down at the small bottle, she wrapped her fingers around it tightly, squeezing it in her hand. A drop of liquid splashed against her finger and she quickly rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand.

"God, I miss you mom," keeping her eyes closed, Maddie tried to imagine her mother there with her. "There are so many things I want to talk to you about." Her mom and she had spent so many nights talking about everything and nothing while doing silly spa treatments that would range from making their own face masks with honey and oatmeal to trying their hand at nail art. Maddie let out a watery laugh as she remembered using almost an entire bottle of white nail polish trying to give her mom a French manicure. Now, with a heavy heart and watery eyes, Maddie opened the bottle and painted her toes then her nails to match.

.

Using the bottle had felt better then she thought it would have, and because of this Maddie entered the kitchen later that morning in a better mood then she was the first time. Poring herself some cereal, she opened the back door and dragged one of the dining room chairs onto the deck. Sitting down heavily, she propped her feet up on the railing then dug into her food. She tried to keep her mind blank as she ate but it had never listened to her before so why would today be any different. Instead of taking in the peaceful scenery around her, she kept remembering pieces of her nightmare.

"Who is he?" Asking herself that question for about the hundredth time she leaned, back looking up at the roof of the deck. "If he's my soulmate like I always thought he was, then what was the second part of that dream about?" Setting her plate aside, Maddie got up to walk down the porch stairs. She didn't stop till she was at the start of her marked trail. Gazing into the shadowy forest, Maddie was flooded with an overwhelming feeling of longing. And, in her current state of mind, she could almost hear her mom telling her to go in. 'Are you just going to stand there all day or are we going for a walk? Oh, sweetheart, this place is amazing. It's just like that one movie we saw, the one with the tree people.' "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers." She said with a sad sigh, "Yeah I can see that now." Maddie could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she fought against the want to go into the forest. She didn't like how emotional she was feeling today and knew deep down that she should go back inside and do something else, anything else. With a sigh, Maddie turned around and went back inside the cabin, only to reemerge a few moments later having changed into her gray boots and jeans. After a quick pep talk in the cabin; she had convinced herself that taking a walk would help clear her mind.

"Yep, I'm not just going into the forest to appease my curiosity, I don't know why I even bother arguing with myself, I always lose." She said while making her way carefully down the trail. She turned on some soft music and sang her way to the stream.

* * *

The man heard her long before he saw her. He had been sitting on a fallen log staring at the water as it rushed by. His mind was in a constant state of confusion after his last mission. Everything had gone wrong and now here he was, alone in the forest somewhere in Washington. He had fought Captain America, intending to kill him but ended up saving him. Now that he was away from HYDRA his memories were fighting to come back.

"Saving the guy, you needed to kill, that's a first."

Turning a flat rock over and over in his metal hand, he tried to focus on the water and not the pounding in his head. However, when he heard a voice, his training took over and silently he melted back into the forest. From his vantage point amongst the shadows, the man watched the beautiful blond walk into the small clearing. She was singing again, and he closed his eyes to appreciate her lovely voice.

.

Maddie continued singing as she walked closer to the water, putting her phone down on a large rock she stopped to take in her surroundings. The clearing was just as lovely as she remembered. Recalling her flowers Maddie turned to look upstream only to be disappointed when she spotted the wilting pink flowers. Walking over to them she picked up a crushed petal and wondered at the cause of such damage. Saddened that her little pink blossoms had been smashed, she cupped her hands around them again. After a few seconds, she released the now intact blooms.

"There you go my little flowers." Walking back to her phone Maddie began singing along with the deep voice of Michael Bublé.

"I'll be seeing you

In all the old familiar places

That this heart of mine embraces

All-day through"

"In that small cafe

The park across the way

The children's carousel

The chestnut tree

The wishing well"

.

His eyes shot open and he stared at the blond across the stream. He knew that song, how the Hell did he know that song?! His headache increased and it was only the decades of harsh training that kept him quiet. If he was a lesser man, he would have been screaming from the pain that ripped through his head. The only reaction to the agony he was in was the clenching of his fists. His heightened senses picked up the sound of something breaking. Looking down he opened his left hand to see the remains of the stone he had been holding. Releasing the now fine powder, he watched it fall as she sang the final notes.

"I'll find you in the morning sun

And when the night is new

I'll be looking at the moon

But I'll be seeing you"

* * *

Authors note- Thank you, everyone, for reading this latest chapter and an extra thank you to everyone who has left such nice reviews.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Dad, I promise I'm ok. This place is great, well it could use some updating, but when I'm here I don't need to avoid the beach and ocean because I might have a panic attack. I don't need to use noise-canceling headphones and medication to get through a storm. And, if I'm having a bad day, I can lay in bed and do nothing all day without people checking up on me every ten minutes. I know that this is not going to make everything go away, I'll probably always have some sort of trigger, and I won't be able to stay here forever but the past three weeks have really helped." Maddie said while cleaning the kitchen. Her dad had called to check on her that morning. They ended up having breakfast together, talking about her trip so far.

"Well, I'm glad you're doing so well. And you know I only bug you so much because I worry,"

Laughing, Maddie cut him off, "I know dad."

"Well, all I wanted to say was that I'm so proud of you and," He said sounding a little choked up. "your mother," her dad said after clearing his throat. "I know she would agree with everything you're doing. She loves, loved, you so much; she would be so proud of just how much progress you've made." He paused for a long time and Maddie wondered if he was going to continue. "I know I left you pretty abruptly a few times last year, the fishing trip and my own time at the cabin, and well, I deeply regret not being there for you more. I let you mourn for your mother and put your life back together with little help from me. And with your, what do you call it, nature ability suddenly popping to life; well I really let you down. I'm so sorry sweetheart, so sorry."

Heartbreaking for her father, Maddie replied. "Dad please, I'm not upset with you, I've never been upset with you about that time. Mom was your Soul Mate, your everything, and you had just lost her. I know you needed to mourn for her; I could see you breaking, your heart, your soul and I didn't want to lose you too. You needed time to get yourself back together. All those times you left; you left hollow, but you came back as my dad. Plus," she said trying to lighten the mood, "I had Kim and Callie with me to run interference when something started to grow randomly in town."

"Thank you, Maddie." There was silence again before her dad cleared his throat. "Have…have you gone into town yet?"

"No, but I should do that today, I need to stop by the grocery store for some stuff."

"Go to Leavenworth, it's a nice town."

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea," Maddie said while finishing up the dishes. After saying their goodbyes Maddie loaded her laptop into the car and headed out.

* * *

She fell in love with the Bavarian-styled town the moment she drove in. Never having seen a themed town before, Maddie found this one to be quite charming. She drove around making a mental note to go into shops here and there.

_'It's just too cute to not explore! Maybe Callie, Kimmy and I can come back some time for a little R&R.'_

Locating the library, Maddie pulled into the first parking spot she saw and quickly made her way inside. Setting her laptop and purse down next to one of the library's computers; Maddie looked around and saw only a hand full of patrons. "Hopefully no one will mind me taking up all this space." Plugging in a USB stick into the library computer she paid to print off a few dozen pictures, each one in a couple of different sizes. While waiting for her prints, Maddie hopped onto her laptop to check her emails and download a few new movies.

After responding to a few work emails, she switched gears and loaded up a website that sold bedding. She needed to find something warm that would look good in a very masculine log cabin. Shopping around for a while, she finally found a fluffy duvet comforter in a white and light gray plaid. With that in her cart, she added two pairs of white sheets and some decorative pillows in a dark gray. Making sure they could be sent to the post office, Maddie ordered them and set a reminder on her phone to pick them up next week. With nothing left to do but wait, Maddie picked up her phone and sent a few texts to her friends, making plans to call them later that week to catch up. Satisfied with what she had accomplished, Maddie put away her laptop, gathered her pictures and left the building.

* * *

She drove around town for a while before stopping at the grocery store where she spent the next hour restocking her supplies. She splurged and spent way more than she wanted to on snacks and desserts, buying at least three different types of ice cream, a tub of hot chocolate, a few bottles of alcohol and another bag of Oreos. "What the Hell, I'm on vacation right? And if I want to have peppermint schnapps in my hot chocolate or eat ice cream in front of the fire, I will." Feeling immensely pleased with herself, Maddie loaded up her car and turned to face the town.

'_I wonder what I can find if I just walk around.'_

Doing just that, she wandered around town window shopping and taking mental notes on anything she saw that would look good in her new home. Going into one store, she found a round mirror that would look great with her bedroom furniture. In another, some beautiful wooden outdoor rocking chairs were on display that would be perfect for the back deck. Maddie had decided to go in and check on the price of them when the wind picked up and the amazing smell of garlic and pizza sauce caught her attention. Quickly abandoning her plan, Maddie made her way down the street and stopped in front of a pizzeria. The smell coming out of the restaurant was amazing and Maddie knew, despite all the food she had just bought, this had to be her dinner.

"Pizza, wine, and a movie; now that sounds like my type of evening." Smiling happily, Maddie walked inside and placed an order with the young woman working the register. After paying, she walked into the bar area and sat down to wait. There were four TV's on, three tuned into different sports games and one on the news. Maddie sat down and watched as a female news anchor turned and looked seriously into the camera; starting on the next story.

"New York city is rebuilding after the attack that happened just three short months ago. Captain Steve Rogers, also known as Captain America, has been tight-lipped about the situation. Unwilling to give us any details about what happened or why he was wrongly accused and labeled a fugitive." They were discussing the recent attack on Washington D.C. and its saddened Maddie to see another major city on the east coast suffering.

'_First the alien attack and now this? How much more can we take before,'_

"Miss your pizzas ready." Jumping at the sound of the cashier, Maddie got up, taking the box from the woman.

* * *

The drive back through the woods was much harder at night. With no streetlights and only a dirt road to follow, Maddie drove slowly, focusing all her attention on keeping the large car on the road. After an aggravating half-hour, Maddie stopped the car in front of the cabin and made her hands unclench their white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel. All she wanted to do was unload her car and eat, so the large brown spider on her door was a very unwelcome sight.

"Oh, Hell no!" Maddie yelled, glaring daggers at the spider that was slowly making its way across her door. Taking off her shoe, Maddie advanced on another of her mortal enemies before it got her. Smacking her shoe against the door, she killed the spider with a satisfying bang. Opening, the now spider free door, Maddie raised her pizza box in victory, doing a happy dance into the cabin. "Its 5 and 0 spiders!" She shouted into the night before closing the door with a flourish.

.

Hearing her car roll to a stop, Bucky began to make his way around to the back of the cabin. He had been waiting for her to come home; the need to make sure she was safe becoming just as important as his own safety. And while the instincts of the soldier inside of him still debated the pros of moving on, Bucky stubbornly stayed put. He didn't know why he felt anything for this woman, but it was there all the same. At one point today he had entertained the thought of moving on. While his location was well hidden, he knew he should leave, but it just didn't seem right.

Her shout brought his attention back and he quickly jogged to the front of the house. He made it just in time to witness her hopping on one foot trying to get her boot off. He smiled at her aggression towards the small spider that was just minding its own business, chuckling when she did a little victory dance into the cabin. Sighing, he made one last check around the perimeter while she moved her grocery bags into her home. He wanted to make sure everything was on the up and up before he left for the night. Satisfied with his sweep, he slowly made his way back to her yellow trail but before he could take a single step over the threshold, he was stopped by the sound of her laughing. It was so sweet and lighthearted; something beautiful that he needed to hear again.

The need to see her face as she laughed was overwhelming and he quickly climbed a tall tree, positioning himself so he could look into the windows at the back of the cabin. All he wanted to do was see her, hopefully, hear her laugh again but, in the end, he stayed long after she had finished eating and had left the room.

'_That was the calmest my mind has ever been.'_

Looking up at the clear night sky, he tried to analyze the situation. Occasionally, he would look at his shoulder, were just under his black sleeve, lay the name of a woman he would never know. The name Madison Rose Westbrook appeared on his arm a long time ago. After all the fucked-up shit life had thrown at him, Bucky couldn't remember exactly when it happened. However, he was pretty damn sure his soulmate had passed along time ago. The guilt and sorrow of that hit him hard; she had most likely been in New York waiting for him while he was being kidnapped and turned into a weapon for the enemy.

HYDRA hadn't given a shit about her. On more than one occasion they had tried to remove his memories of the soul mark. When that didn't work, they try to tattoo over her name; with horrendous results. Looking back, all he remembered from that particular day was the sound of something vibrating, someone screaming and blood, lots of blood. They had stopped trying after that day. In the end, he had been wiped and put back in storage like the weapon he was.

'_At least they couldn't take her from me,'_ he thought with grim satisfaction. '_But,'_ his calm mood darkened as grief and fury overtook him. _'It's probably for the best now. At least she died never knowing the monster I've become.'_

A light turning on brought his attention back to the cabin and it hit him that he had been in that tree for far too long. "Shit." He whispered turning to climb down but the vision in the window stopped everything. His body froze, his brain froze, and his attention trained on the figure in the window. There she was, in only a pale blue tank top and jeans but she swiftly removed those, revealing the black panties underneath. Her hourglass figure was on complete display for him and he drank her in.

'_She looks like a fucking Pinup model, fuck this is not going to help me stop thinking about her.' _

He watched, fascinated, as she raised her arms up to brush out her long hair. The action pushed out her breasts and the analytical side of his mind, unwantedly, speculated that they were probably a size C. He watched as her hair brushed against the middle of her back in light blond waves. The thought of tunneling his hands through her hair, feeling its silky texture against his skin was enough to make him groan. He couldn't even remember the last time he had wanted to touch a woman's hair. HYDRA had kept him so hollow and emotionless for so long; he couldn't recall his last interaction with a woman that hadn't ended in violence. This, looking at her now, he felt something that had been long dormant, sit up and take notice. The feelings rushed in so fast; so much deeper than he thought he could feel. It scared him and made him feel guilty, first he was reminiscing about his soulmate and now he was watching the, albeit beautiful, stranger that was living next to him. Quickly climbing down, he thought that maybe leaving the area was not enough, maybe he should leave the state, fuck maybe the continent altogether.

'_But you know you're not going anywhere you idiot. God, Steve would be kicking my ass right now for watching her, well maybe not pre-serum Steve.'_

The thought came unchecked to his mind and he involuntarily chuckled before a headache hit him hard. It almost brought him to his knees; it felt like jackhammers were drilling away at his brain. He had enough strength to turn around once more to look at her now dark window. "Goodnight doll, I'll be seeing you."

* * *

Authors note - I hope you liked it :)


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

After one more week of mild weather, October had finally come, bringing with it heavy rain and cold winds that brought down the temperature significantly. This morning Maddie sat at the dining room table eating oatmeal, watching as sheets of rain came down. The other day, while in town shopping, she had wandered into a small home store and had instantly fallen in love with the rustic but high-quality items the store provided; she spent more than she should have but loved everything she bought. Glancing down, she smiled at one such item. A large glass jar candle burned happily in front of her, its maple cinnamon scent mixing into the air and making the cabin smell like pancakes and burning wood. When the fire crackled and popped behind her Maddie sighed in contentment, everything was so cozy. Happily finishing her meal, Maddie got up to clean her breakfast dishes.

Looking around the room as she cleaned, she imagined what the space would look like with a few remodels. Maddie had made a mental list of things she wanted to get for the cabin while shopping around in the store. Now all she could think about was where she could put the sturdy but rustic white china hutch with glass-fronted doors. How the wrought iron pot rack would look hanging over a new center island. And she could almost feel the cream-colored rug she had found under her feet already.

"Maybe some long cream curtains over the windows to match the rug." The peace that the cabin and forest offered was really starting to grow on her and she knew that if she fixed up the cabin and made it look anything like what was in her head she would have a hard time leaving. "My apartment is nice but this place would be so peaceful." She said while walking to her room. "Then again I don't know how I'll feel when it snows."

Stopping just inside her room, Maddie's eyes fell on the large scraps of white paper on her bed that had been wrapped protectively around the new mirror earlier that morning. Glancing over to her new piece of furniture, she admired the large mirror sitting on top of her dresser. It was a beautiful long rectangle with a thick dark wood frame that complemented the bedroom and would look wonderful hanging above her dresser. But without the proper tools to do so, Maddie could only lean it against the wall and hope that the angle would keep it from falling.

Walking over to the two large shopping bags that still sat in the corner of the room, she began to unpack her other purchases. She took out two more glass jar candles, one labeled 'Winter' that she would keep in the bedroom and the other one that smelled of cinnamon and vanilla that she would put in the bathroom. After those two were in their new homes, she unwrapped a large clear glass vase and set it off to the side of the dresser. It was a fat round vase that tapered slightly as it gently sloped up, leaving enough room for a large bouquet to fit inside. Maddie admired her handy work as she cleaned up the paper. "I'll have to add some flowers soon." With her work done and everything cleaned up, she grabbed some close and went to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

.

An hour later she reemerged smelling like cinnamon, braiding the front of her hair away from her face and leaving the rest to fall down her back. Her plan for the day was to explore the rain-soaked forest, maybe get some new pictures, so Maddie put on some thick socks, dark jeans, and a light blue oversized sweater that draped down over her right shoulder, showing off the name on her skin.

Blowing out her candle on the way to the door, she slipped on her gray boots and yellow raincoat, tucking her camera under her coat to keep it dry. Opening the back door, she breathed in the wonderful smell of the saturated forest and slowly made her way down the slick deck stairs. Enjoying a quick spin in the rain, she proceeded to skip down the trail.

* * *

Reaching her destination, Maddie took a minute to enjoy the beauty of the area around her. The forest was happily participating in the changing of the season; yellow and orange leaves gently fluttering in the air before landing on the ground. Crouching down to take a photo, Maddie laughed in delight when a large gust of wind blew downstream. It picked up the autumn-colored leaves as it went, tossing them around like confetti and bringing a shot of vibrant color to the dreary gray day.

The stream had benefited from the heavy rains over the past few days and was now swollen with water, overflowing onto the rocky banks, making it look more like a small river. Her body gave an involuntary shudder as Maddie backed away from the water, making sure to give it a wide berth as she walked upstream. That water would be freezing cold with a fast current, falling in would be her literal nightmare. Looking around she saw no trace of her little pink flowers. "They must have finally died; I guess I couldn't keep them alive forever."

A few yards upstream she found a rocky overhang that overlooked the water. She wanted to stay far, far away from the sudden drop and never see the cold water rushing below. However, her doctor would tell her to take a deep breath and, if she was ready, look over the edge and watch as the water moved harmlessly by. She could do that, she could plant her feet firmly on the ground, maybe crouch down for stability and just take a small peek.

'_Or I could turn around and go back. No one would ever know and I wouldn't spend the next half hour doing deep breathing exercises on my way back home.'_

With a firm shake of her head, Maddie turned to go home then spun right back around after only a few steps. "Fuck it," throwing her hands up in defeat she turned around and walked back. "It's just water Maddie, you're stronger than this. Come on you can do this." She got quieter and quieter as she made her way back to the edge until she was just whispering 'you got this,' over and over, trying to pump herself up. Shuffling to the edge, Maddie glanced down the roughly 10-foot drop and watched as the water moved below her. It was deeper then she anticipated, darker than it should have been; cold black water.

_'__Fuck, nope! No Maddie breathe. Remember just breathe. Your right here, in the woods, today! That is not the ocean.'_

The dark agitated water was bringing back some very unwanted memories. Before she could regain control of the situation, it wasn't a stream anymore but the deep black waters of The Pacific Ocean. She let out a choked gasp and froze. The boat rocked back and forth violently, dipping down too quickly for her to keep her footing. A large wave hit her in the back and she tipped over, landing headfirst in the icy water. A branch snapping behind her broke Maddie out of her flashback. Whirling around quickly, she saw a doe swiftly running through the woods a few feet away from her. Instinctually, Maddie took a step away from the large animal but the rock beneath her was slippery. Losing her footing, Maddie stumbled backward.

Arms shooting out, Maddie tried to regain her balance. Taking a step back her foot landed too far over the rocky edge. Time seemed to slow and she could feel every beat of her heart as it climbed into her throat. Fighting gravity, she tried desperately to stay upright but, with only half a foot on the ledge, it was a futile battle. Her breath came out in short gasping pants and tears filled her eyes.

Thinking quickly, she threw her hand out, trying desperately to reach for her ability, to make the trees overhead help her. She could feel her body slowly falling back but the connection was there. The closes branch overhead moved to reach for her. She could hear the tree grown with the effort but it was slowly getting closer. Her fingertips just brushed the pine needles. Then, with little resistance, her foot slipped off of the wet rocks and she fell backward, gravity had won.

"No." She whispered.

"No!" A man yelled out and the sound of pounding boot steps filled the air. Saying a quick prayer, Maddie closed her eyes and braced herself. Then, with a sudden jerk of her arm, her descent stopped, leaving her hovering, almost perpendicular in the air, with one foot braced against the rocks. Letting out a small shriek of surprise, Maddie wrapped her numb fingers around the large hand holding on to her own. She gripped it with enough force to cause her hand to shake and, with a sob, Maddie tried to look up to see who had saved her.

"Don't move doll, I have you. Just hold on tight, alright?" His voice was deep and rough, but his grip on her was strong.

"Yeah ok," tears rolled down her face, falling down to mix with the water below. "Sounds great, just please don't drop me." A deep chuckle came from above her as he started to bring her back up. Relief washed over her as he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her back over the edge and onto solid ground. The man guided Maddie several feet from the ledge, keeping her close to his body.

When they were a good distance away from the edge, Maddie's legs turned to noodles. Feeling this change, her rescuer held her tighter to his chest as he sat them both down on a fallen log. Unable to hold them back, a choking sob came from deep in Maddie's soul. Then another and another till she was clinging to him, her face buried against his neck, as she cried.

"It's ok, I've got you." He said while rubbing her back. "Let it out doll, you'll feel better."

Maddie wrapped her arms around her savior's waist, pulling them even closer. It took her a good ten minutes to stop crying and get her breathing back to normal. Being wrapped up in such a strong embrace, Maddie could feel the clawing fear and panic drain away; leaving her feeling safe and protected in the arms of this man. "Thank you so much." She said into his chest. Her voice sounded hollow and still a little watery but, she was back in the here and now, no horrible flashbacks or incapacitating panic attacks. Instead, the feeling of rightness and comfort filled her. Her breath caught in a hiccup and she felt his hold on her tighten. It was like she had finally come home.

Startled by the sensation, she looked up and locked eyes with her hero. All the air in her lungs left in a whoosh and she felt a strange but comforting shift come over her. Leaning back a little in his arms, she took in the rest of him. The man embracing her was like no other she had ever seen. His eyes were incredible; light blue in color they were set into an exceptionally handsome face and held a strange combination of amused sadness. A water droplet fell from his baseball hat and landed on her nose, breaking her out of her hot guy induced daze.

_'__What is this weird feeling? Who is he?... My God, he's gorgeous. '_

"Are," Her hero stopped to clear his throat "Are you ok ma'am?"

His deep voice brought her back to the present situation, IE her sitting on his lap with her arms draped around his shoulders, and she instinctively stood up. Instantly regretting the distance she had put between them. Looking only slightly down at his still sitting form; Maddie guessed that he was probably around 6 feet, way taller than her own 5-foot 2-inch height. She felt her heart give a small fluttering beat and for a few moments, she was lost in the feeling of rightness that filled her heart.

_'Earth to Maddie, don't just stare at the man! Say something.'_

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" She replied weakly.

"I asked if you were alright. It seems like you were very upset about something, well more than just the obvious." Maddie watched as another drop of rain fell off his baseball hat, landing on his broad shoulder and soaking into the fabric of his coat. She wished she could just sit back down on his lap and have him hold her close again. Shaking her head to get rid of those thoughts, she answered with a small smile.

"Yeah, I'm ok now or at least I think so, thanks to you. I don't want to think about what would have happened if you hadn't been there. Thank you so much for saving my life, you have to let me repay you."

Putting his hands in his coat pockets, he stood. "No, it's ok, I'm just glad I was around when it happened." Panic at the thought of him leaving her alone, so close to the water, shot through her and Maddie grabbed hold of his right arm to stop him from saying any more.

"Nope, I've just had a near-death experience and it's only because of you that I'm still breathing. I have a cabin not far from here where you can dry off, and then I'll make you some lunch. Come on let's go before Death realizes he didn't claim my soul and comes back to try again." She turned to go back but her legs weren't quite ready to make the trip. She felt her knees start to buckle, and for the second time that day, the man next to her saved her from falling.

"As I said, you don't need to thank me, but you seem like you're still a little unsteady. I guess I could at least help you back home." She blushed when she felt his arm wrap around her waist, his hand firmly holding her to his side, supporting her as they walked back. Unable to stop herself, Maddie glanced back over her shoulder as they moved away and was startled at what she saw. She watched, fascinated, as moss began to cover the log they had been sitting on, slowly but steadily going from one side to the other.

"What are you looking at?" The question startled her, making her slip on the damp uneven ground. Her hero pulled her closer to his side, tightening his grip on her to help keep her steady.

"Oh, nothing, I just wasn't paying attention, sorry." She got one last look at the now completely covered log before they walked out of view.

.

* * *

Authors Note: Someone was telling me that they were unclear on what months this was taking place in, sorry about that. Chapters 1-7 where in September while this one rolls over into October.

Thank you to everyone for reading this latest chapter, it really means a lot to me. :) I also want to give a special thanks to a friend of mine for giving me so much encouragement and support, you know who you are and you're the best!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Bucky couldn't believe what was happening. For weeks he had watched the pretty blond in the cabin, now here he was walking her back home and letting her make him a quick meal as a token of her gratitude. Stepping over the traps and tripwires he had set up to keep his 'campsite' safe; Bucky grabbed the long waterproof duffle bag that held the few meager possessions he had been able to acquire during his time in hiding. Along with the numerous weapons he had been able to obtain during the confusion his battle, with Captain America, had caused.

'_After lunch, I'm moving on. I've been here too long; this should have happened weeks ago.'_

The thought of what might have happened today if he had already left came to him and he paused on his way back to the woman; thinking of all the 'what if' scenarios, each worst then the last. Today, he had watched her debate and persuade herself into looking over the small drop. Acting like it was the empire state building and not the 15-feet it was. The soldier inside of him categorized her as an Acrophobic, but after the fall he thought maybe her caution was a hard-learned trait.

The moment he saw her stumble back, stepping too far over the edge, was the most terrifying moment of his life. He couldn't remember the last time he had truly felt afraid. He didn't even think about breaking cover, the need to protect her was his only goal. It went against his nature, his training and put his own safety at risk. But when she went over it wasn't just him running towards her, the soldier inside reached out for her as well.

'_Fuck! What the hell is wrong with me? Get it together Barnes.'_

.

Maddie stood at the start of the trail waiting for her mysterious hero to gather his belongings. Fidgeting with the wet strands of her hair, she looked around for any signs that he was on his way back. Minutes before, she had watched in awe as he strolled into the swollen creek. The cold water and strong current that scared her meant nothing to him. Then he disappeared into the trees making no noise at all. Now after 10 minutes she thought maybe he had just disappeared into the forest, leaving her behind on the rocky bank. Glancing back in the direction of the cabin, Maddie let out a sigh.

'Well, maybe I should just go back.'

Before she could talk herself into giving up all hope, a shadow passed over her. Looking up, she was startled to find her hero standing next to her, seeming like he had been the one waiting. He had returned with only one bag slung over his shoulder, a large black duffle bag that she would have thought was empty, had it not been for the sounds of shifting items and the slight protrusion that strained against the top of the bag.

With a nod from him and a smile from her, she took hold of his arm again and they headed up the trail. The atmosphere was heavy between the two of them, and while Maddie couldn't speak for her companion, she could feel her own body tremble as she walked on. She was on edge; her body too full of anxiety and nervous energy. And if the faint sound of a bell tolling in the distance didn't stop soon, she was going to lose it. So, to keep herself grounded, Maddie started up a one-sided conversation as they walked.

A couple of times during their trip, if one of them had looked behind as they walked, they would have noticed a random fern or small sapling that would shudder and reach towards Maddie or a small branch would move against the wind in her direction. But neither did so the oddities went unnoticed.

.

In the middle of her telling him how her father had inherited the cabin, the rumble of thunder cut her off. "I just knew there was going to be a storm today." Readjusting her hold on his elbow, Maddie rushed them through the last few feet. Technically, she was pulling him up the path but just by looking at him she knew if he didn't want to go somewhere, he wouldn't. She would never kid herself into believing that she was actually dragging him with her. He was humoring her, and she appreciated it.

Giggling, Maddie rounded the last corner as the rain started to fall in earnest. "Ta-da!" She said, throwing her arms out in a flourish as if she was a magician that had suddenly made the cabin appear out of thin air. Her audience just chuckled at her antics and looked around the area. Unbeknownst to her, he had become quite well acquainted with the clearing. So, he did a quick scan, making sure everything was still in order.

She walked them both onto the porch, unzipped her raincoat and went to unlock the back door. However, after a few unsuccessful tries, she stopped and for the first time, noticed how much her hands were shaking.

'_It's ok, I'm ok. Breathe.'_

Inhaling deeply and breathing out slowly, Maddie forced her fingers to release the white-knuckled grip she had on her key. The walk back had done little to calm her nerves and now she could add being cold and wet to her problems. Cupping her hands together she guided the key into the lock and slowly twisted. A soft click rewarded her patience and she turned, giving him a sheepish smile. Doing this, she was able to really look at her night in well... mostly black clothing. She took in his appearance, noting his dark jeans, black hiking boots, and a black shirt. This along with an army green field jacket, black baseball hat, and black gloves finished his ensemble. And, to her, he seemed like a man trying to blend into the shadows. But, with the intensity that seemed to surround him like an almost visible aura, she wondered how anyone could overlook such an intimidating figure.

He was a well-built man and much taller than her; the tip of her head reaching only to the middle of his chest. He had broad shoulders with an equally broad chest that narrowed at his waist and his legs were solid masses of muscle. His wet hat covered drenched dark brown hair that just brushed the top of his shoulders. This gave him a rugged look that was only complemented by a month or so worth of stubble. He stood solidly with his feet apart and his arms crossed over his chest, looking back at her with confusion in his eyes. Realizing she had been caught staring, Maddie started to apologize but stopped in shock at her own rudeness.

"Oh my god, that fall really messed with me. Here I am dragging you back here and we really haven't been properly introduced," Maddie extended her arm out towards him. "I'm Madison Rose Westbrook and I'm very glad to meet you."

Bucky instantly stiffened at hearing her name, joy and hope bursting through him, but it was quickly squashed when his fucked-up head swamped him with anger and suspicion. Glaring intensely at the beautiful woman, he stomped over to tower above her.

"What did you say your name was?" He bit out, low and dangerously.

Maddie flinched and shrank away from the angry man in front of her. His aloof yet protective demeanor had vanished in a second and she was instantly filled with panic as he stocked forward. Gone was the warmth and security she had felt, and her once muddled brain now flashed with 'Stranger Danger' warnings. Maddie had felt vulnerable after what had happened, latching onto the safety and security her rescuer had provided. Now she saw just how naive she had been to trust someone, she didn't know, while in such a fragile state. After quickly repeating her name, Maddie found herself being pushed against the wall. He had pinned her with one of his massive forearms over her chest while his other hand slammed against the wall next to her head. The impact of his hand hitting the wall made the surface shudder and she flinched away from it.

"How the fuck do you know that name?" Bucky growled out, staring into her frightened eyes.

Terrified, Maddie tried not to stutter but she failed horribly. "It's my nnname!...I promise. I…I've had it all my life." His hold on her, while tight, wasn't enough to hurt her and Maddie instinctually tried to get away from him. Not noticing that every time she squirmed in his hold her coat would also move, exposing the letters under her right collarbone. Unable to look away from him, Maddie watched as his eyes went from ice-cold daggers to a curious fixation on her shoulder.

'_What? What is he looking at?'_

Her breath increased to an almost hyperventilating quickness when he slowly moved his hand over her right shoulder. With eyes laser-focused on his target, he moved her coat aside slowly. Then with a gasp and a quick tug he almost ripped it off of her. He jumped backward so abruptly that Maddie stumbled forward. She watched him retreat tell his back was against the porch railing. He stared, with misery in his eyes, at her shoulder and she looked over to see what had caused such a reaction.

'_My soul mark? Why would that...Oh my god!'_

Righting herself on shaking legs, Maddie reached her hand out to the man who had gone from anger to confusion to dismay in five seconds flat.

"James?" She softly asked and was rewarded when his eyes shot to hers. "Are you James Buchanan Barnes?" His answering look almost brought her to her knees. She had never seen anyone look as devastated as he did right now. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, finding a soul mate was a joyful chance of fate. Her breath caught in her throat as his pain-filled eyes drop to glower at the wooden planks they stood on.

For so long, Maddie had been imagining what it would be like when she finally met her soul mate. As a child, her favorite story was how her parents met, she would beg them to tell her so many times that, even now, she could recite it word for word. A third-grade teacher who had moved to the island a few years before and a quiet local fisherman had met at a small coffee shop. Her mother was there because it was a quiet place for her to grade homework while enjoying a wonderful cup of tea and a blueberry muffin after a hard day. While her father was there to pick up some coffee for the next day's trip out on the ocean, he couldn't make a decent cup of coffee to save his life, so they saw each other a lot as he became a regular. After a couple of days with shy smiles and quiet hellos, they had finally had enough of the strange feeling that rushed through each of them when they saw the other. And, after an awkward start, they never looked back.

When her own mark appeared, Maddie had fantasized about her James and what their story would be. What would he say to her? Something witty and romantic or maybe he would be too shy, and she would talk first like her mother had done. Maybe he would be one of those bad boys her parents warned her about, driving her around the island on his motorcycle. During the tourist season, she would wait by the ferry and watch for guys her age. Telling herself that she would know him instantly when she saw him. Kim and Callie had teased her relentlessly, telling her that she was too romantic and how she wore her heart on her sleeve. Maddie would just laugh and go back to people watching, knowing that he was out there…somewhere.

Now, here she stood with her hand outstretched, knowing in her heart that he was the one. Every beat of her heart told her that this man was her James. But not even in her wildest dreams could she have imagined how their story would play out.

.

.

* * *

Authors note

Hey, thank you so much for reading this chapter :) I hope you have a wonderful day.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"I thought you were dead." Bucky stared unseeingly at the ground, confusion and anger roiling inside of him. "This doesn't make sense." He remembered having his soul mark in the 1930s, so how was she here now? Did this mean that he had no soulmate during that time? Did the cosmic order of the universe really like fucking with him this much? Unable to wrap his mind around finding his soul mate, now of all times, Bucky just stood on her porch hating himself and cursing his horrible luck.

"Dead!" Her horrified words brought his attention back to the situation at hand and the alarmed woman that stood next to him. "No! Who the hell told you that I was dead?" He watched as her face changed from shock and horror to outrage. "How could someone be so cruel? Who told you that shit?" Stunned by her anger on his behalf, Bucky could only watch as she stood in righteous fury with her hands on her hips. Her beautiful sage green eyes had captivated him before, now they sparkled and flashed with fire. They demanded that he tell her what she wanted to know; to just say something, anything. But Bucky knew he couldn't give her what she wanted; knew he would disappoint her; douse her fire with the cold reality of his life. And he prayed to anyone who was listening that she would forgive and forget about him.

.

'_Dead?! Who the hell told him I was dead? Who would even joke about that? Losing a soul mate is a life-altering tragedy, why would anyone'_

"My name is James Buchanan Barnes and I'm your soul mate." His despondent words brought her back from her internal rant, stealing her attention back to him. She watched as he reached over to rub at his shoulder, and she was struck with a longing to know if he was rubbing at her own name. "But I'm sorry doll it's just too late for us, we could never make it work." He let out a tired sigh and met her eyes with his dull ones. "You wouldn't want me now anyway."

His words acted like a blow to her heart and she automatically brought her hand up to cover her soul mark. Feeling like, with his words alone, he had the power to rip it right off her body. A strange feeling started to grow in her chest, a numbing hollow feeling that made her sick and scared. The gravity of the situation was dawning on Maddie and unwilling to just accept his answer at face value, she pushed at him. "Well that's bullshit, we can't even try? No, I can't accept just letting you walk away without knowing why." Her eyes started to burn, and she took several steadying breaths before continuing to fight for what she wanted. "James, stay here for just a couple hours, please. Let's just get to know each other. We don't have to jump into anything, we just met for God's sake, and it's too soon for us to start a relationship. But don't just give up on us before we even had a chance."

Her words seemed to have affected him because Maddie watched as his eyes ignited, narrowing and focusing on her entirely. He quickly closed the distance between them, taking her by the shoulders and giving her a small shake. They were so close now, if they were the same height they would be nose to nose. Her heart did a flip in her chest before starting up a quick tempo, one she was sure he could probably hear, if not feel with them this close.

"You don't understand, I'm not going to start any type of relationship with you. I'm not a good person and you deserve more than a soulless weapon; a monster like me. You should be running inside and locking the door, not inviting me in."

Standing her ground, Maddie tried again to reason with him. "Why? Your acting like I should be afraid of you but so far you've saved my life, calmed me down when I was on the edge of a panic attack and made sure I made it back to my house safe and sound. Why should I turn you away James? Yeah, you scared me pretty bad a few minutes ago but you thought, for God knows how long, that I was dead. Something we still need to talk about, by the way. And while that wouldn't have been my reaction, suspicion and distrust are two pretty justifiable responses to being introduced to your, still completely alive, soul mate! And, just in case you didn't know, you didn't hurt me, at all! Yes, your hold was strong but I'm 100% ok. I don't know what you mean by 'monster' but,"

"Are you aware of what happened in New York a few months ago?" He cut off her rambling with a tone of resignation and Maddie was furious to see his eyes cloud with sorrow again. He finished his question by dropping his hands back to his sides.

It took Maddie a minute to switch gears and respond to his question. "Umm," she tilted her head and thought back. "You mean the attack against Captain America?" Maddie was totally confused now. Why was he changing the subject and asking about the news?

"That was me!" The words seemed like they were ripped painfully out of him. Shocked at his confession, Maddie did nothing when he turned away from her and braced his hands against the porch railing. With a sigh, his head dropped down in defeat. "I'm not a good person Madison and if you have any sense at all in your pretty head you would demand that I leave you alone, forever. In fact, I'm going to do the first noble thing I've ever done in my entire life and do that for you, goodbye Ms. Westbrook"

Maddie watched, in stunned silence, as the man she had dreamed about for so long, pushed himself up and leaped over the hand railing. Nonchalantly falling ten feet to the ground, landing easily in a crouched position, getting up and walking away as if the whole thing meant nothing. Shocked that he would do something so dangerous, Maddie scrambled over to the stairs, taking them two at a time. She slipped on the last step and landed hard on the wet ground. Looking up, she watched as he walked away and felt her reality start to crash around her. Pushing herself up, Maddie raced after her soul mate. Her next actions were made quickly and without thought, brought on by panic and desperation.

"Stop!" The one word seemed to explode from her, and she threw out her hand as if to grab him. "You can't just drop a couple of bombshells like that and leave." Her panic at the situation was only matched by her anger and both seemed to build tell she was shaking. "I've been hoping, praying and dreaming about finding you for too long to let you just walk away without getting some answers. I know I'm being incredibly selfish, but you said I deserve more, well that means I also deserve the right to know who the fuck you are and what the hell is going on!"

.

'_Go, just keep walking.'_

His pace was slow, but Bucky kept his eyes on the forest as he steadily walked towards the shadows. Just a little bit more and they would swallow him up.

'_Just a few more yards and you're gone.'_

He heard her running down the stairs; he knew that he should speed up; she would reach him if he didn't go faster.

'_She's better alone than with a soul mate that has a fucked-up head and blood on his hands.' _

He flinched when he heard her fall, but he was almost there, almost gone.

'_Just leave before you hurt her!'_

"Stop!" And he did, immediately.

Two things happened simultaneously; neither were something Bucky was ready for. First, the ground under his feet gave a small shudder causing him to stumble back before regaining his balance, and the second was incredible and shocking and beautiful. Bucky watched in stunned silence as ferns, flowering bushes and even small saplings broke through the soil. They grew incredibly quick, between one breath and the next the vegetation had spread, overtaking any open spaces between the trees. The last thing to go was her yellow trail and he watched as it was taken over, disappearing as if it was never there.

Her demand for answer struck him hard because he knew she was right. With a heavy heart, Bucky turned around and watched as his soul mate worked herself up. The glory of her righteous anger and the marvel he had just witnessed were too much for him. When she finished and everything was silent, Bucky couldn't help the small chuckle that bubbled up from deep within him.

"How the hell did you do this?"

.

Thrown off balance by his response, Maddie looked around in confusion. "What do you mean? Do what?" His only response was to nod in the direction of the trail. Her eyes moved but she didn't understand what she was seeing. There was nothing there, what could he have possibly meant by that small movement. Then she saw her yellow ribbon and froze as horror shot through her, cold and sharp. Maddie could feel the blood drain from her face, could feel her body begin to shake and she covered her mouth as a cry of panic was ripped from her soul.

'_No, no, no, no, no! Oh my God, what did I do? NO!'_

Maddie's throat began to squeeze, and she choked as she tried to breathe. Rubbing her hands over her face, Maddie willed her body to calm down. She was going to have a second panic attack if she didn't and that was the last thing either of them needed right now. Using all her courage, she looked back up at the handsome man calmly standing a few feet away. A violent shiver ran down her spine and for the first time, she realized that the rain had soaked her shirt and hair.

Everything was going wrong. Maddie wrapped her arms around herself, trying desperately to hold herself together. She could feel her hope fading. Tears started to well in her eyes and she blinked rapidly to keep them at bay. "L-Look I ummm, we both have secrets. Please, please can we just go inside and talk."

.

Bucky was at odds with himself, the soldier inside of him wanted to leave and, while he agreed that this was a risky situation with a lot of unknowns; his heart, something he hadn't been allowed to feel for decades, was begging him to go to her. Only being able to watch as panic overwhelmed her was agony, he had wanted to run over and cradle her as close as he could. The need to reassure her and take away her fear clawed at him; in his past life, before HYDRA had gotten their claws into him, he had been a protector and those instincts, while buried deep under years of torture and brainwashing, were still strong in him. He wanted to promise her everything was going to be okay, but he had no right to do that. He still couldn't see this, them, having any sort of future. "You want to know me? You want 'us' to have a chance? Doll, I'm so fucked up that I don't even know who I am anymore."

Stopping in front of her, Bucky gently took hold of her hands; he had to try one last time to make her understand. He looked down at her and begged."I'm not a good man; hell, I don't know if you're even safe with me." Her eyes, wet with unshed tears, flashed with a look that he hated. Her unease and trepidation shot straight through to his heart and while, yes, he had been trying to make her feel that way, seeing it now broke something deep within him. He wanted to take back his words and kick his own ass for making her feel even the slightest bit afraid.

"Are you going to hurt me?" She said in a low cautious tone.

Horror and pain at the thought of ever hurting her ripped through him and he shook his head in denial. "No never! You're the last person I would ever want to hurt, that's why I should leave."

His vehement words seemed to put her at ease; her body relaxed, and she smiled tentatively up at him. "James please, come inside and talk with me. Get to know me before you decide it's not worth it, please." He thought about resisting but her trust in him fueled a small spark of hope inside his heart that he kept vehemently snuffing out. Searching her eyes one last time, he let out a sigh that came from the bottom of his soul.

"I go by Bucky."

"What?" Her head tilted to the side in confusion.

"Bucky, it's my nickname. I prefer to go by that."

Her smile was blinding, joy shown from her like a light and she nodded in understanding. "I prefer Maddie; it's nice to meet you Bucky." And with that, she led him up the steps and into the cabin.

Stepping inside, she asked him to wait while she changed and grabbed some towels. Taking off his boots, Bucky scanned the room, committing the layout to memory while instinctually looking for any threats. When he deemed the room to be clear, he gazed around once more in curiosity. The room he had only ever seen from the outside was much cozier than he had originally thought. The plush leather furniture was designed for long days lazing around a warm fire and the open layout made the small space seem larger and more like a home. Inhaling deeply, Bucky savored the cinnamon scent of Maddie and the faint lingering smell of the maple candle next to him. Everything surrounded him, filling him with a sense of peace.

When Maddie came back a few minutes later, she was in dry clothes and was rubbing a towel against her hair. With a smile, she handed him a second towel. "You must be freezing, why don't you go change while I fix us something to eat?" Nodding his head, Bucky followed the simple directions to the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Placing the towel and his bag across the counter, he unzipped it and began shuffling through the various weapons and survival gear he had picked up while fleeing Washington DC till he found some dry clothes. Tossing them, his gloves and his drenched baseball hat onto the counter; Bucky didn't even spare the mirror a glance before he turned his back on it. He leaned heavily against the counter, threading his hands behind his head to pull at the tense muscles in his neck.

"What the fuck are you doing Barns?" The cold metal of his left hand caused a shiver to run down his spine and with a shake of his head, Bucky pulled off his shirt, wrung out as much water as he could from it and hung it over the curtain rod to dry. After using the towel to dry off; he arranged the rest of his close on the bar and began redressing. He froze halfway through when, shirt in hand, Bucky inadvertently turned towards the mirror and caught sight of the mass of scar tissue that met and sunk beneath the metal of his left arm. With a murderous glare at the permanent reminder of HYDRA's ruthlessness, he yanked on his shirt and began rubbing the towel through his hair.

After pulling on his gloves and running his hands through his hair, Bucky deemed himself as presentable as he could be and turned, reluctantly, back towards the mirror. The man looking back at him was the personification of misery; before today he thought that life or fate or whoever the fuck decided to put him on this Hellish path, couldn't screw with him any more than they already had. He had thought that after fighting his programing and fleeing HYDRA, he could come to accept the unhappiness of his life and live a solitary nomadic existence. But nope, he was stupid to hope that he would catch even the slightest break. Now he had to go out there and explain his clusterfuck of a life to his soul mate, who (surprise!) was not dead, and that conversation was definitely going to deem him a monster in her eyes and would drive away the one person who was made for him.

"After this, she is never going to want to see me again, and that's," breathing in deeply he finished his statement on a sigh, "that's fine." Chuckling humorlessly to his reflection, he continued. "Everything will go back to the way it should be and I'll go back to being alone." Shaking off his gloom and trying desperately to harden his heart as much as he could before going out there, Bucky gave himself one final pep talk. "Ok, Barnes you can do this. Just go out there and explain. Give her the truth and make her understand that her secret is safe with you then leave and never look back. You don't deserve her, make her see that." Pushing the palms of his hands into his eyes, he wished he could feel numb again. "Damn it, why did it have to be me? She deserves so much better." Turning away from the mirror, he opened the door and walked out towards his soul mate with all the strength of a man heading towards a firing squad.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

'_Wow, today's been super weird. I mean really, in the middle of the freaking woods, while I'm on vacation. That's where I meet him, seriously?'_

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Maddie made her way towards the fridge. Opening the door with a little more force than necessary, she reached inside and took out a large covered pot and set it on the stove to reheat. After lighting the burner, she leaned against the counter and continued to scolding herself for her irresponsible actions.

'_And what the fuck Maddie, getting emotional and revealing the whole plant thing, just like that! You have more control than that.'_

Pushing herself off the counter, she walked quickly to the mantle to relight the fireplace, then spinning on her heel she marched back to the stove and gave the soup an aggressive stir. "I mean, what would dad say!" That stopped her self-criticism and she quickly felt like she was ten years old again, hiding a secret from her parents. "Holy shit what would dad say?" Grabbing two bowls from the cabinet below her, she tried to imagine what her father's reaction would be if she told him about meeting a guy in the woods. "It'll be ok," Pressing her palms into her eyes she prayed that everything would indeed work out. "He'll be happy I found Bucky, probably not the way I found him or even what happened after, but he'll be happy none the less, I think…I hope." When the soup began to bubble, Maddie gave it one more stir, turned down the heat and placed the cover back on the pot. Turning around, she leaned heavily against the counter and contemplated the mystery that was her guest.

Roughly fifteen minutes passed before the sound of the bathroom door opening caught her attention. Looking down the hall, she watched as he walked towards her. His movements were rigid but silent as he made his way across the old wooden floor. His cautious pace made her wonder what he was thinking about but, when he stepped into the light of the large room, and she got her first good look at him, her brain stopped working for a few seconds.

Dressed in what she was starting to think was his preferred style, Bucky had on dark jeans, a black long sleeve shirt, and the same black gloves as before. He had left off his hat, allowing her an unobstructed view of his face and she had taken enough portraits to appreciate a classically handsome face enhanced by a rugged appearance. When he tensed at the end of the hall and the muscles of his chest and shoulders shifted under his shirt, Maddie had to give herself a little shake to stop from swooning and batting her lashes like a teenager.

'_How can he look that good in a simple black shirt? But to be fair, he could be wearing Hogwarts wizard robes and he would still look just as good. I wonder what house he would be in?'_

An awkward silence filled the room and Maddie realized she had been daydreaming about her guest for a little too long. But trying to decide whether he would look better in red, green, yellow or blue was important. In the event that he had noticed her rude behavior, Maddie glanced back at him, intending to apologize for staring, but it wasn't necessary. His entire focus was on the room around him. Frozen in place just inside the room, she watched as his eyes searched every inch of the area. He seemed to miss nothing and after a few more sweeps, Maddie saw his stance visibly relax.

'_Is he expecting someone to jump out from around the corner? With a name like 'The Winter Soldier', he must have been in the military in some way and probably suffers from PTSD. God, I know a thing or two about that.'_

Turning back to the stove, she checked on their lunch. "I made chicken noodle soup with dumplings the other day, I hope you like it. Take a seat and, when it's done warming up, I'll bring you some." With a wave of her hand towards the table, Maddie motioned for him to sit down but frowned when she heard no movement from behind her. She was about to turn when the slight scuffing sound of a chair moving against the wood floor broke the silence, startling her and causing her to jump.

'_God, how is he so quiet? He's a big guy, he shouldn't be that quiet.'_

Uncovering the pot and turning off the stove, she breathed in the delicious scent of homemade soup and ladled some into two bowls. Grabbing two bottles of water from the fridge, Maddie carefully served them both lunch before taking the seat across from him. He was studying the room again but dug into the flavorful meal after she had taken a few bites from her own bowl. As she ate, Maddie found herself stealing glances at Bucky every so often, wondering if he was going to say anything. She wished he would so the situation would be less awkward, but he stayed silent, staring down at his food while he ate.

The quite continued to stretch around them as Maddie's anxiety began to build. Soon the sound of spoons clinking against the bowls wasn't enough to distract her from everything; what happened, what could have happened, and the distant sound of the past. So, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind, with the hopes that talking would calm down her anxiety. "So, umm, you asked about the whole plant thing." His eyes immediately found hers and his intense look almost had her wishing that she hadn't said anything. "Well, umm," clearing her throat, Maddie tried to explain something she hardly ever talked about.

"It's all kind of difficult to explain and, if I'm being honest, how it seemed to have happened is hard for me to talk about right now, the memory is very close to the surface and I'm not sure I'll be able to explain everything without breaking down. I can tell you about the whole ordeal soon but for now, you'll have to forgive me for giving you the short version." Abandoning his food, Bucky sat back on his chair and crossed his arms over his chest; seeming to give her all of his attention. "Oh no, please keep eating, it's not that short of an explanation." But when he just continued to watch her, unmoving, Maddie sighed and started to explain without giving herself a panic attack reliving the memories.

"So, a while ago my…mother and I were in a boating accident," Cold started to seep into her bones, chilling her hands and making her shiver. Clearing her suddenly dry throat, Maddie looked out the window as the rain came down heavily around them. "Maybe…maybe I shouldn't start there. My family lives on San Juan Island, right off the Washington coast and I run a small photography business; kids, weddings, family portraits, standard photography stuff. Sorry not important, anyway, one day we were ummm….my mom and I were," Maddie paused, walking the tight rope in her mind of trying to tell him just enough so he could understand what happened, but not enough for her to have a full-blown breakdown**.**

"One day there was this really bad storm, and the boat my mom and I were on got caught up in it before we could get back to shore; the boat ended up capsizing and my mother," Maddie blinked quickly when her vision blurred with tears. "She ummm, she was…God, I'm sorry just ummm, just give me a second." A lump started to form in her throat and Maddie tried to breathe around it, but it was thick and heavy, and her breath caught. The memory of her screaming out into the night for her mother came hard and fast and Maddie had to suck in a deep breath and hold it till it passed. She did this a few more times; breathing in deeply and holding it while counting till she could feel her body start to relax.

"I was stranded on one of those big red ocean buoys for a while." She shuddered at the memory of the freezing water as it engulfed her. All this time and she could still feel the water filling her lungs, could still be easily sucked down into the darkness of the sinking ship. "There was a big bell on the buoy, and I can still hear it, constantly." Reaching for her water, Maddie took a large gulp and prayed that the taste of saltwater would go away.

'_Damn it, you can do this. Maddie just breathe. You were doing so much better and now you're going to let one tiny, stupid, little fall set you back. NO, no Maddie you're not. It wasn't even a fall, Bucky saved you, so just focus on him and power through this. This isn't even what he asked about.'_

As her mind worked to clear itself from the haunting memories; Maddie realized that one of her hands was encased in one of his larger ones. Warmth seeped into her numb shaking hand and Maddie wondered when he had taken hold of her. She must have been too in her head to notice. She could feel him watching her but, unwilling to look at him, Maddie focused on the table in front of her, trying desperately to see anything other than waves in the wood grain.

Giving herself a little shake, she tried to push past her trauma and just give him what he wanted to know. "And ever since that day, I've found that, along with some PTSD and a few new phobias, I can manipulate plants, like some weird trauma-induced side effect. I can make any type of preexisting plant life grow, I can pull seeds to me if they're in the area and extend the life of dying plants. Small ones like bushes and flowers are easier while trees are harder and take more…energy, I think is a good word for it, or maybe concentration." Clearing her throat, Maddie scooted in her chair and sat up a little straighter, hoping that would help her feel steadier. "You know it's interesting, the coast guard had to literally cut through seaweed that had wrapped itself around me. I think, in my desperation, this power manifested without my knowledge and the seaweed just grew around me; trying to keep me attached to the buoy so I wouldn't drown."

* * *

Maddie spent the next half hour explaining her strange ability to her soul mate, feeling much better now that she wasn't talking about the accident. "After that night I had a lot of weird things happen, the flowers in my hospital room never wilted, instead new blooms and roots started to grow in the vase. No one could understand why and even now I have some very interesting flowerpots because they just never died." Shaking her head, Maddie smiled as she thought of the crazy mixture of flowers she had growing on her apartment balcony.

"I started to figure it out a couple of days after I left the hospital. I was staying at my parents' house because I didn't want to be alone, and I just wanted to take a bath. That had always been something comforting to me, something I do to calm down and relax. So, without really thinking about it I went to the bathroom and started to fill up the tub. It only took a few minutes for me to start panicking. I was terrified to get in the water. I remember watching the tub slowly fill up and just shaking. Then, all of a sudden, I felt so angry and so devastated because I realized that, that horrible night had taken another thing away from me. Even if it was just one small thing among all the larger things, it was too much. I love taking baths and now I couldn't even look at the water without wanting to be sick. I wanted to just scream and cry and throw everything, I was going to, but then I heard a small popping sound and a loud crack. I turned around and saw that the small potted plant my mom kept by the sink had shattered; dirt and shards of the ceramic pot were everywhere.

My mom had been trying to grow succulents in that pot and, for a while now they were about the size of a ping-pong ball. When I looked at them then, they were like tennis ball-sized, and I don't know if you know anything about succulents, but it should have taken like a year or more for them to even grow a little bit. Then when I picked it up to see what had happened my hand started to warm and, in less than a minute, it had completely overtaken my palm."

.

As she talked, Bucky set silently across from her, listening to her stories all the while keeping her hand firmly in his. When she had finished telling him how Kim and Callie found out, he took advantage of her small break to ask a question. "How have you kept this a secret? I'm sure it was difficult to keep people from discovering a rose bush growing on the beach."

Looking down at their still entwined hands, Maddie began to absentmindedly trace the nicks and scars on the back of his hand with the fingers of her free one. "It was difficult in the beginning, I was suffering from PTSD, a lot of guilt and could hardly stand to be around the ocean. Whenever I would hear a bell, any bell, I would have a panic attack. And you can imagine how hard it is to avoid the sea and bells while living on an island.

My dad wasn't dealing with what happened any better than I was, to be honest, he wasn't really there at all. Not that I blame him, losing a soul mate is devastating and he just shut down. Kim and Callie took turns living with me for months and it was only because of them that I'm not still a complete mess. I made a tree branch grow through my bedroom window during a storm one night and that's when we decided that we needed a plan. After lots of experimenting, therapy, and medication, I was able to get a handle on many of my triggers, such as I can take baths again without freaking out as long as the water is hot. And, in the end, we just added it to the list of things we had to deal with."

"After my dad got himself back together, he realized just what this meant for everyone and he got really paranoid that people would find out about my ability. He wanted me to stay inside until I could control it, but I was not going to let that shitty night take away what little freedom I had left. I could hardly go outside and was only able to work in my studio for a little bit before it all became too much for me. But I have an apartment to pay for and a life I was desperately trying to hold onto and rebuild. I agreed with him that no one we didn't trust 100% could know or I would be in big trouble. So, instead, we treated it like a symptom of my trauma. If I stayed calm and worked on dealing with my fears and anxieties, I could control it. I have it just about under control now and no one besides, well you and three other people know about my ability."

Bucky nodded his head before continuing. "You and your father need to be careful with whom you tell this too. It's smart to be paranoid. I think I would have taken you someplace like this," he waved his hand around the area indicating the isolated cabin and the quiet forest around them. "There are bad people in this world that would want to know everything about your ability. It can be used in a lot of ways and I have no doubt, if some of the people I know found you, no one would ever see you again. They would use your ability for whatever they needed, whenever they needed it. No matter what you said, they wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. I know I would have taken no chances with your safety."

Maddie sighed at the all too familiar argument but shuddered at the confirmation of just how horrible some people can be. "That was my dad's first idea, but I insisted that I could deal with it. This ability is easy to hide; I'm definitely not going to go show off or sign up with the Avengers." Bucky's face darkened at the name of the Earth's mightiest heroes, but he didn't say anything, so she continued. "The most I'm ever going to use it for is to make flowers last a little longer." Shaking her head in amusement, Maddie smiled at him. "I'm never telling my dad that you agree with him. You two would have me stashed away like some artifact that Indiana Jones found." She giggled and in her best Harrison Ford impression she said, "Maddie, you belong in a museum."

A look of confusion crossed her soul mate's handsome face. "Who is Indiana Jones? What does he have to do with this?"

"You don't know who Indiana Jones is?" When he still looked confused Maddie let out a surprised giggle. "You've never seen an Indiana Jones movie? Oh my God, that's just crazy! I thought they were a rite of passage for a boy to become a man, just like Star Wars and Die Hard." When Bucky continued to look silently at her, Maddie realized that he hadn't seen the other movies either. "Oh no, this is not going to work." She watched as his eyes widened and she giggled at the look of confusion that crossed his face. "No soul mate of mine will continue living without having seen some really great movies." Shining a bright smile at him, she picked up her spoon and took a large bite of her delicious soup.

.

.

* * *

Authors note- Thank you, everyone, for taking the time to read this chapter. Everyone around the world is dealing with a horrible situation right now and I'm hoping that you all stay safe and healthy.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

After finishing their lunch, Bucky seemed to close in on himself again and, afraid that all the progress they had made would be lost, Maddie suggested that they move to the living room area. Her soul mate agreed by wordlessly getting up and moving towards the leather armchair. Reading the room, she moved passed him and sat gingerly on the edge of the couch.

'_Ok, not sitting together, understood.'_

She continued to watch her companion, hoping that what she said would be enough to get Bucky to open up, but she did not like the vibes coming from him. Waves of tension seemed to radiate from him, making the air seem heavy and thick. For a full five minutes, they sat in the oppressive silence tell he finally moved. The muscles in his shoulders tensed and his mouth drew down in a hard frown.

"Hell, where do I even begin?"

His voice, suddenly breaking the silence, startled her and the only thing Maddie could think of to say was a stupid joke from a kid's movie. "Start at the beginning," She said with a giggle and a wide smile. "And when you come to the end, stop." Her smile dropped when Bucky continued to stare straight ahead. "Sorry."

She watched as he harshly scrubbed his hands over his face then look directly at her. Not wanting to do anything else that could scare him off, Maddie smiled gently at him, waiting patiently for him to say whatever he needed to. He seemed to be at war with himself; opening his mouth to start, then quickly shutting it, and dropping his eyes to glare murderously at his hands. "To tell you the truth I really don't want you to know anything about me. I would rather walk out the door and leave you with the memory of me as I am right now, then tell you anything about myself."

In a gesture meant to comfort him, Maddie reached out to touch his left arm. But without even looking in her direction, Bucky flinched away. Distressed that she might have caused him discomfort, Maddie quickly pulled her hand back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…sorry I was…"

"No, it's fine. It's not you Maddie."

* * *

Every single fiber of his being was screaming at him to leave. This wasn't right, he wasn't right, he should not be here. He was a killer, a murderer, an assassin, an…asset.

'_NO, NOT ANYMORE! You are a person; you are your own person Bucky! You found the one thing they could never take away from you, the one person that you held onto, fought for when they had taken everything else. SHE'S HERE! You found her! They didn't win.'_

Bucky glanced over at his soul mate, the one person who was made for him, and the horrible little voice in his head whispered back.

'_But if you tell her everything, you might just lose her anyway.'_

* * *

Maddie could see Bucky's face transform into a blank mask, devoid of any emotion. His eyes shuttered and dulled as he stared blankly into the hearth; watching as the fire slowly consumed the logs. Not knowing what was to come but assuming it wasn't going to be pleasant, Maddie curled up on the couch, trying to brace herself for whatever he was going to say.

"My name is James Barns but that's not who I am. After seventy years of torture, brainwashing, and cryogenic sleep; that man died a long time ago. "

"Seventy years of what? WAIT, WHAT? Torture?! Bucky what are you talking about?" Horror filled her and Maddie could hardly finish one sentence before her brain could comprehend her next thought. So, she sat stock still as Bucky told her of his past, pausing for long periods of time as he tried to remember who James Buchanan Barns was before HYDRA. All the while, Maddie tried her hardest to wrap her head around everything he was saying. She could hardly comprehend half of what he was telling her; it was all way too crazy. But when he started to talk about Brooklyn pre-world war two, a man named Steve Rogers and the beginning of the war; memories of google searches for her soul mate's name and high school history lesson started to flash in her mind. Dots began to connect between the war hero she had read about and the fragmented man in front of her.

"Wait, so let me get this straight." She interrupted him in a tight voice, his story was crazy, and she was barely holding it together with just the small pieces he could give her. "You are James Barns…Bucky Barns, the war hero!? From the Howling Commandos? The same Sargent Barns who fought with Captain America in World War 2?" She said in disbelief, and he gave her a tight nod. "Are you kidding me, you have to be,"

The look he gave her shut her up and in a tight voice, he replied, "I wish this was all a joke."

"Oh my God." She exhaled deeply, slumping down into the couch, this was all so confusing. She didn't understand how the man sitting in front of her could possibly be the same one she had read about all those years ago. Her brain must have short-circuited for a moment because she just kept remembering all the silly commercials that had started to run on TV recently. One of the museums in New York had remodeled their Captain America exhibits, thanks to the hero being alive again; and while she had no desire to go to New York to see it, apparently her brain had latched onto the advertisement. "They have a whole exhibit about you guys in museums, your famous but also…supposed to be dead." When he gave her a droll look and a nod of his head in the affirmative, Maddie continued.

"Ok, wow. Oh my God, this is a lot to take in. I always thought it was just a coincidence that your name was on my arm, that you and my soul mate had the same name. I mean, the first time I Googled it and you were the top result I cried. It was a picture of a gravestone in New York; it said that you had been killed in action. But then I read the date and realized that fate could not be that cruel, I couldn't have had a soul mate that died decades before I was born."

Maddie's nerves were starting to get the better of her, so without much pause, she continued on. "I mean, I've always felt like there someone missing from my life like I needed to find you, but I've never felt alone. The general census is when someone loses or never finds their soul mate because of death, they feel like something has been severed like they are alone in their own soul. My dad had an extremely hard time adapting to being alone and losing their connection now that my mom's gone." She felt her eyes burn with tears as the dots were connected. "But I've never…because you weren't dead." Her hands fidgeted in her lap, wringing together as she tried to fight back the growing sense of panic, because something crazy, if not horrible, must have happened to keep him alive and young for over seventy years. "All that time…what happened to you?"

"HYDRA." He spat the word out like it was poison on his tongue.

"HYDRA?! Weren't they the…scientific branch of the Nazis?" She asked desperately trying to remember her high school World War 2 history lessons.

"That was there mask during that time. HYDRA is an old organization for seriously evil people who, well…. for a lack of better terms, who want to take over the world and there doing that in the most horrible way possible. My regiment, the 107th, was pinned down and eventually taken captive by them and held in one of their facilities." She must have made a noise of distress because Bucky looked over at her and nodded. "Yeah doll, for the bits and pieces that I remember, it wasn't a pleasant experience." Her eyes welled with tears as she stared at his despondent expression. "That was the first time they took me." A lump formed in her throat at the news and her breath caught.

"The first time?"

"You see doll, Steve and I were both used during the war, he was supposed to be the perfect soldier and help end the war while I," He dropped his head and glared down at his clenched fists. "Well, HYDRA made me into a weapon. They couldn't complete the prosses the first time they had me because Steve interrupted them, but they got a second chance."

* * *

"I picked up Steve's shield and started firing at our new enemy, but we were in such tight quarters, too much shit around us." He shook his head and glared at his hands, balling them into fists in his lap. "I didn't realize just how close I was to the hole in the wall. His next shot threw me backward, right out of the train." Maddie gasped in shock, but he didn't look over. He just continued to glare into his past as Maddie stared at him, horror making her body shake and her eyes go wide. "I was able to grab onto something, but I was too far out. When I couldn't get my footing, I knew I was on borrowed time. Steve was there reaching out for me, and for a split second, I had hope. I thought if anyone could get me back in that train it was him," With a wry chuckle he threw his hands up in defeat. "I mean he was Captain America for fuck sake." He seemed to wince when Maddie, startled by his sudden increase in volume, flinched away from him as he said the last point louder than he probably meant to.

With a long sigh, Bucky settled deeper into the chair, glaring up at the ceiling. Maddie wanted to go over to him, pull him into her arms. She could see how tightly he was holding it all together. As if a single movement or noise would break the vice-like hold, he had over his control. This was doubtlessly extremely hard for him and she wished there was some way she could take away the pain he was feeling, take away the memories that still tortured him even after all these years.

'_We're not even close to today's date, how much more suffering can one man go through?'_

After a couple of false starts, Bucky continued in a noticeably flatter tone. His strength seemed to be wavering and he rested his elbows on his knees, supporting his head in his hands. She could feel the hopelessness rolling off him. "I remember how God damn cold it was. We were so high up on that mountain and the wind was whipping around me so fast, it was hard to breathe, hard to hear. I think Steve was trying to reassure me but with the wind and the adrenaline, I couldn't hear anything. Then whatever I was holding onto broke."

"No!" Maddie choked out, reflexively covering her mouth with her hands.

"It was a long fall. I focused on the train for as long as I could. It got quiet. Then I stopped falling." His sentences were short and clipped like he was throwing the words out of himself, trying not to remember what they meant.

"And you survived? You fell off a moving train, off a freaking mountain and you survived?!" With her throat clogged with tears, her words came out in a choked yell.

His dark chuckle punched her in the gut and not for the first time since he started his heartbreaking tale, Maddie was afraid to hear more. "I really wish I hadn't, that was where HYDRA found me. Fucking bastards just wouldn't let me die."

Bucky stopped for a while after that and she could see he was wrestling with himself. What he had said before was hard enough, now he looked like he was in physical pain, and, for both of their sakes, Maddie did not know if she wanted him to continue.

'_Come on, he needs you to be strong. You are the only reason he's doing this. Whatever is coming next is going to be bad, but you must keep it together.'_

As he spoke, Bucky's demeanor seemed to crumble, leaving him looking defeated. It almost caused her physical pain to do nothing but sit there and listen to his story. "They did something to me, messed with my head. Call it brainwashing if you must but whatever they did, it was painfully effective. In the beginning, I fought them! I fought them every step of the way, then I tried to trick them into thinking they had won; let them send me out on a mission and try to escape when I was alone. But I was always so disoriented and in too much pain to get very far before they would find me. They would drag me back, beat me, and either put me back to sleep or strap me down onto that goddamn chair."

Her body tensed when he said that, and a shiver of dread ran down her spine. "I don't know how long they had me before I broke. Before it worked and I wasn't there anymore. They did…something after my last attempt, pushed my consciousness deep into my mind; brought something else out. I couldn't do anything, then they would say a group of words and 'it' would do whatever they said. I finally became what they wanted, I was their Winter Soldier…but soldiers are still people, I was their weapon. An object to take out and set loose on a target, they made me their best killer. Men, women, it didn't matter, I killed my target and left no witnesses alive. My morality and choices were stripped away, and I had no say over what they made me do. They would tell me a name and no matter how much I screamed and fought; my body wasn't my own anymore. Please believe me, Maddie."

When Bucky turned to look at her, Maddie knew that he saw the shock and horror written on her face, but she couldn't help it. When her eyes started to fill with tears her soul mate turned away from her. "If I became me again or the memories of the horrors they made me do would start to haunt me because believe me, I may not have been in control, but I was awake, I saw every single monstrous thing that they made me do. And when it got too much for me to handle, thus affecting my willingness to kill without thought, they would," He stopped and visibly shuddered at what must be a terrible memory. "Let's just say they would put me back in that chair, strip me of everything, then put me back in the fucking freezer for storage; fix me till I was obedient."

"But, whether they did it as another way to torture me or if it was just an accident that I couldn't tell them about; I would still remember all of them. All the people I killed. And it was so much worse if the missions they sent me on took longer than intended or the times between being wiped got too long. I would get more of myself back, regain more control of my mind; have more time to remember all the horrors I caused. I never lost the names or the faces of the people I killed, of the people HYDRA had me kill. I was never in control enough to stop it, what they did was strong enough to make sure of that, but I was there for every single one."

Tears ran fast and heavy down her eyes as she imagined all the horror and pain he went through. When he got to his metal arm, he took off his glove and rolled up his sleeve; extending it out so she could see everything. Shocked, Maddie stared in awe as he flexed his metal fingers into a tight fist.

"How," her voice broke as a sob welled in her throat. "How did you escape them? How are you, you again?" Her question was not much louder than a whisper, but he heard her anyways.

"A few months ago, I was sent on a mission to kill someone. He was connected to Steve and SHEILD and unfortunately, Steve got caught up in HYDRA's plan. At that time, I was the Winter Soldier and I didn't care who I fought as long as the mission was successful, as long as I killed my target." Bucky turned back towards Maddie, looking her right in the eyes. "Long story short, I fought Steve, intended to kill him, but somehow, during that fight, something changed, and I was able to regain control and leave long enough for me to be me again. Somehow, he broke through to me. I remembered him and our friendship long enough to drag his unconscious ass out of the river, and then I left."

"My programming or conditioning, or whatever the fuck, fought hard for control. The pain was horrible, and I would constantly find myself backtracking, but it was my only chance to escape and I've lived with pain long enough to know how to push through it. I don't remember much about getting here but I just kept thinking that if I could get as far away from New York as I could, then I could snap out of their hold or something like that." His lips twitched as if his next thought was a pleasant one. "By the time I got to this part of the woods the pain had decreased to more of a dull headache and I felt like I could finally breathe again. I tried to continue on, maybe head up to Canada but something kept me here." The look he gave her was exasperated and his next words were spoken with heavy sarcasm. "I wonder why?"

Maddie gave him a small tight smile, wiping the tears from her eyes. "So, you still feel pain? Do you still feel the pull to go back?" She tapped her own head to emphasize her point.

Bucky groaned and fell back against the chair, sinking into its plush back. "The pull, sometimes. The pain, all the time but it's dull and doesn't really bother me. It does spike sometimes but it's not something that happens often."

* * *

Bucky expected her to jump up and run as far away from him as she could. He laid bare the monster he had become and had no right to expect anything more. So, it surprised him, when at the end of his grizzly tale, she still sat beside him. Instead of running away, his beautiful Maddie slid to the floor and stood on her knees before him. He stared at her curiously, wondering what she would do now. Would she finally understand that he wasn't right for her? Maybe she would demand he leave, and he would without argument. His heartbeat painfully in his chest while he waited for her to condemn him as the monster he was. He tensed, going as still as stone when she suddenly leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his chest. The simple hug rocked him to his very core.

* * *

"Fucking Hell Bucky, I'm so damn sorry. You've been through so much, literally you've been through Hell. I think even Greek Gods were nicer to the people they punished." Pulling away, she settled back on her heels. She looked into his eyes and knew her next words would be important. She fought to hold back the sadness and anger inside of her, but her voice still shook with it. "I know that it may be hard for you to understand but I don't think of you as a monster. What you were put through, all the things you did, that was shit they forced you to do. You say they made you into a monster, but monsters wouldn't feel remorse, wouldn't feel guilt for killing, wouldn't agonize over the fact that not only were you forced to do such horrific things, but they made you watch! Bucky there are no words to describe the torture they inflicted on you. They experimented on you; unwillingly made you into a super-soldier and messed with your DNA. I thank God right now that you are even here with me. That you're strong enough to keep going after what they put you through."

Reaching out, Maddie tried to hold his hands, but he quickly moved his metal one away from her. Unperturbed by this, she simply took his other into both her of hers. "When I look at you, I see a man who has been broken repeatedly and fought with everything inside of him to survive. They stuffed you deep down inside your own mind and let something they could control run the show." Fury burned bright inside of her and she shook with anger on his behalf. "No Bucky, you are not a monster; you are the fucking strongest guy on the God damn planet." Deflating some after her speech, Maddie's next words were said with a calm conviction. "And if you're willing, I would be honored to be your soul mate." Maddie silently prayed that her words were enough but as the silence continued with neither of them moving, she began to doubt herself.

Suddenly Bucky burst into action. Dropping to the floor in front of her, he pulled her into his arms and lowered his head till his face was buried in the junction of her neck. Joy flooded her soul at the feeling of his arms encircling her, bringing tears of happiness to her eyes. Maddie returned the hug just as fiercely, relishing in the moment. She didn't need to say anything else; her soul mate was a man hardened by his horrible past and she had said what she needed to, now it was up to him to accept her words.

When she felt a vibration against the side of her neck, she realized that he must have said something that she didn't catch. "What did you say?" She whispered quietly into his ear and felt him shudder. His arms tightened around her till there was hardly any room between their bodies. When he pulled away slightly, Maddie saw that his eyes were still guarded but his handsome face was relaxed.

"Thank you, you have no idea how much that means to me."

Warmth bloomed on her cheeks at his gentle words and a bubbly, giddy feeling welled up inside her heart, expanding up into her throat to steal her breath. Maddie was amazed at just how bizarre the day had been. She had felt so low just hours ago and now…she had found her soul mate! They had shared a meal together! They had talked and gotten to know each other! They had connected! A shiver of joy and rightness crept up her spine making her almost giggle in delight.

"Of-of course Bucky, thank you for telling me." She stuttered out as they both rose from the floor. "I know that must have been difficult for you to talk about and I'm very grateful that you trusted me enough to tell me." His only response was a jerky nod as he sat back down on the chair. Her soul mate was a hard man to read, but if he felt as emotionally drained as she did, then his silence was probably for the best. Returning to her seat on the couch, Maddie took a moment to collect herself.

She had always wondered if she would fall instantly for her soul mate or if it would be gradual. Looking over to study her complicated soul mate, Maddie felt her heart lurch. Reflexively she started to rub his name with her fingers.

'_Who am I kidding, I fell for him the moment he reached out for me. I just hope that I'm enough to keep him here.'_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Inhaling deeply, Maddie held her breath as she moved to sit crisscross on the couch, sinking into the cushions. Her exhale seemed to leave her boneless, and she had to fight the urge to lay down and close her eyes. She was exhausted and emotionally drained, but her brain was too focused on everything to let her have a moment to relax. It was like a stove with too many pots boiling over, and the mostly silent room was only making her anxiety worse. Nervously she began to fiddle with the ends of her sleeves while humming along to the sitcom theme song that had started to play in her head.

Maddie wanted to find a topic or something to do, but she struggled to think of anything that would lighten the exhausted, and weary mood of the room. So, out of desperation, Maddie found herself almost blurting out the first concrete thought she had. "Do you have any questions for me? I mean, we've talked about some pretty difficult things already and I just thought that if you wanted to know anything about me that was more along the lines of 'getting to know me'," she said making small air quotes as she rambled on. "Then right now would be a good time to do so."

When Bucky didn't say anything or even move, for a good minute, Maddie thought she should maybe go first, ask him something or just start talking about herself, but shot the idea down instantly. He had talked about his past in the broadest strokes possible because he couldn't remember much. Asking him now to try and talk about himself more would be cruel. Plus, she didn't want to accidentally say something that would bring up his own dark memories.

'_Maybe he has a favorite color.'_

Chuckling at her own sarcasm, Maddie let her mind wander, flitting from one question to the next; debating with herself on what to say. She was so absorbed, in fact, that when Bucky did finally speak; Maddie was jerked from her thoughts, jolting her mind back to the present.

"Why are you here alone?" His words were direct and didn't really do much to help the mood, but she was just happy he said anything at all.

"No one wanted me to, the only person who thought this was a good idea was my therapist. We discussed me going on a trip alone and he thought it would be a good way to reclaim my independence. You see, I haven't been to my apartment, for more than to get clothes, since my accident. I've been either living with my dad or one of my friends, Callie and Kim, for little over a year now." He gave her a questioning look and she shrugged before answering his unspoken words. "I was scared to be by myself again. Scared that I would have a horrible panic attack and would have to rely on myself alone to pull me through it. Scared to be alone with the memories. And, if I'm being honest, it was nice to have someone to rely on, someone to help me. My friends were so supportive, so was my dad when he could be, they were always there for me when I needed anything, to cry, to talk, to help with the grief and eventual anger."

"I remember I told Kim and Callie about my plans while we were deep cleaning a few of the rooms at the bed and breakfast that Kim manages; and after the initial 'are you crazy, that's a horrible idea', a few 'what no's' and me declining several very tempting offers for them to come with me; they eventually saw the merit of the plan and understood, reluctantly, why I needed to do this. They did say that after a week by myself, I would be going crazy because I 'wasn't a person who was meant to go on a vacation alone'." She did air quotes again while smiling at the memory of them arguing with her. "And while yes, I agree with them that, under normal circumstances, I would prefer not to be alone; this has been an overall good experience for me. I've found this place has been very helpful and…mostly very peaceful, overall. Today notwithstanding." She smiled teasingly at him.

Getting into the conversation, Maddie began to tell him about some of the ideas she had been having for the cabin. "You know, I was thinking that I might add my own touches to this place and come back a few times each year." She pointed towards the kitchen and started to explain what she wanted to do. "I might start with the kitchen, I think a small moveable island over there and a metal pot would be nice, more counter space and storage." She couldn't understand the look of confusion and…displeasure that flashed in his eyes for a second before he slipped back into his neutral mask, but Maddie continued.

"And I don't just want to redecorate; I was thinking about doing a little remodeling too. My dad got this place livable and now I want to make it a home." She proceeded to tell him what her plans were for the cabin. Painting, some new pieces of furniture, a whole redesign of the bathroom, and a small greenhouse in the back were just some of her ideas. But the more she talked, the more Bucky seemed to frown tell he was looking at her in exasperation. "What? What are you looking at me like that for?"

"So, all your planning on doing is decorating the cabin?"

She was confused and wanted to say no; to explain that what she had in mind would be more than just simply decorating but she felt like that wasn't what he wanted to hear. "Umm, I know home improvement is not the most exciting thing to talk about but,"

* * *

As she talked about her ideas, Bucky felt himself become torn. On one hand, her enthusiasm was striking, her face was alight with excitement, and Bucky could almost picture the cabin the way she described it. He couldn't really see the point to some of her plans, what did it matter if the wallpaper in the bathroom stayed up or not, but for the most part her ideas were good, great even, and would make the cabin even homier.

However, on the other hand, none of what she said would even be on the list of things **he **would change about the isolated cabin in the woods. And, when he realized that none of his own ideas were even on her radar, he knew he had to make her see the necessity of them.

"What? What are you looking at me like that for?"

"So, all your planning on doing is decorating the cabin?"

Her deer in the headlights look morphed into confusion and he guessed that she was probably replaying everything she had just said in her mind. Her eyes left him and dropped to her lap; then when she lifted her hand to tap her finger against her full bottom lip Bucky knew he was in trouble.

'_God she's cute.'_

"Umm, I know home improvement is not the most exciting thing to talk about but,"

"No," he cut her off before she could continue. Looking around the whole room, he saw what he would improve. "Before you start making this place a home, you need to focus on protecting yourself and it. While you know you own this land, no one else does. You need to tint the windows,"

'_Maybe replace them entirely with bulletproof glass.'_

"A fence, with both a car gate and one for a person, that encloses the immediate area. The exterior doors are solid enough, but the locks need to be improved and a security system with mounted cameras and motion-activated lights needs to be added." He continued to list out security measures that he would put in place. Somethings he may have overreacted on; she gave him a look of disbelief when he talked about adding an escape tunnel that would end a few miles away from the cabin, but he had been an assassin; a weapon designed to kill either quietly, slip in and out without detection, or getting in by any means necessary; so he knew what he was talking about. Weapons like him didn't have the luxury to think about thinks like counter space or wallpaper.

He knew the tone he was slipping into was blunt and factual, but he just couldn't help it. "The cabin doesn't need any remodeling, it's a functioning space with everything someone would need, and more, to survive but the security leaves much to be desired." Bucky stopped talking, he may have gone too far on that last comment; if she wanted to make things more comfortable and aesthetically pleasing then she had every right to do so, but not while forgoing her safety. The feeling of unease and a touch of inadequacy washed over Bucky. He didn't know the first thing about having a domestic life, Hell, he had just listed off everything that would turn the cabin from a relaxing retreat into a bunker. And, as he watched her expression fall, he cursed himself for even remotely hurting her.

"Your right, I'll look into a few of those right away. I'm not going to hire a team to dig a panic room that has access to an underground garage that is also attached to a two-mile-long escape tunnel, but the curtains, cameras, and fence are a good idea." The bright teasing smile she gave him eased his mind but caused his heart to shudder in his chest. He couldn't remember the last time someone had smiled at him like that, let alone teased him about anything. It felt normal, and nice and…a little unnerving.

'_Maybe…maybe I could stay and help her with everything.'_

'_You can't.'_

The sharp dismissive thought brought him back to the present, back to the situation, reminded him that she was not something he should have. He was a fucking killer, an…asset…that people were actively looking for. Staring down at his metal hand Bucky flexed his fingers and, not for the first time in his life, hated himself.

* * *

Maddie did not like the grim moods Bucky kept slipping into, and the bleak look he was giving her now tipped her off that he was there once again.

"You should do what you want, you're going to make this cabin look great, it will be a nice place for you to relax." She also didn't like how much of an emphasis he had put on it being 'her place' or how many times he had used the word 'you'. She knew he was putting distance between then and didn't like it.

"Yeah, I'll probably start looking for curtains in the next couple of days and then work my way up to turrets." Maddie said teasingly, trying to keep the light conversation going. "Thankfully there's no one around this area." Leaning an elbow on the couch, Maddie rested her chin on her hand and went on."You know, I'm shocked that we even found each other way out here. How long were you here before we met?" She asked lightly but kicked herself when Bucky stiffened abruptly. He didn't respond or move or even breathe. "You know what, never mind that's a stupid question. So how long do you think I should make that escape tunnel? Two miles or five?" She said in a rush.

Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply before looking her straight in the eyes. "I was in this location for a month before you got here. I investigated this clearing and cabin, checking for signs that someone was in the area or had been recently, before making camp on the other side of the stream. This cabin was vacant but not abandoned, taken care of but with no signs of recent activity." After a short shallow breath, he continued on, emotionlessly and monotone, "This seemed like an adequate location to rest before continuing north. I regularly swept the area and watch for signs of people; then when you got here, I should have left. As I said before, HYDRA is still looking for me and I assumed that you were sent to bring me back. But when no one else joined you I doubted that theory. Then when I felt a pull to stay, a pull to be near this area; I believed it was just HYDRAS training kicking in, observe and analyze the enemy. But then you continued to behave like a normal civilian and I." Bucky stopped abruptly and ran his fingers through his hair. He exhaled deeply and took in a few shuttering breaths before speaking again. "Fuck Maddie, I'm sorry. I just gave you a fucking mission report… maybe…maybe I should just," When he stood, Maddie's heart jumped into her throat.

"No Bucky wait, please just wait!" Maddie scrambled off the couch and stood by him. She fought her hands to stay down, she was next to his metal arm and she knew, from past experience, that he didn't want her to touch it. So instead she crossed her arms over her chest in defiance, which probably looked more like she was hugging herself. "Please, please, just talk to me. Out of everything you've told me tonight, you being here and watching me isn't the worst thing that's happened." Her eyes begged him to sit down and after a while he did, reluctantly.

Sitting down herself, Maddie prompted him to continue. "So, I'm here, what did you do?"

He scrubbed his hands over his face, groaning in frustration as he did. "I was alone for a month, then a beautiful woman that I feel drawn to moves into a cabin right next to my camp?" He bit out. "It was just too coincidental for my liking. It was either wait and figure out if you were a threat or run, and I'm tired of running. I'm beginning to think that it goes against my nature. You were suspicious, so I stayed and…watched; waiting for you to make a move." He trailed off and Maddie's heartbeat painfully in her chest at the thought of him stressing out, waiting in the woods for her to attack him.

"You know, there were times when I felt like someone was watching me." She said hesitantly, afraid of saying something wrong and having him bolt. "So, you were unknowingly watching your soul mate for a couple of months, can you tell me what you found out?" His look of confusion prompted her to explain. "I'm just curious to know what you figured out about me?"

He smirked and Maddie's stomach fluttered. "Well, I learned that you can't be quiet to save your life." His eyes started to lighten as he shook his head. "You sing, you dance, you argue with yourself, for God's sakes you mark your trail with bright yellow ribbon."

"So what? I'm really bad with directions and tend to get lost…a lot." Maddie interrupted, trying to defend herself as she felt her cheeks get warm. "We can't all be trained soldiers."

"I can honestly say that you would make a horrible soldier."

Over exaggerated outrage contorted Maddie's face. "Hey, I'll have you know that I've taken self-defense classes and my father taught me how to shoot a gun." Crossing her arms over her chest Maddie continued. "Ok, so I might get distracted easily and I love to sing. I also have a bad sense of direction and a tendency to wander off." Maddie watched as his eyes lightened to a clear crystal blue.

Enjoying the sight, Maddie smiled and continued. "You know you're probably right; I don't think I would make a good soldier. All black looks great on you but I need color in my wardrobe and this," She waved her hand around indicating the whole cabin. "Is the closest I can get to actual camping." The small lift of his lips left her breathless and all she could do was smile back. "Bucky, I'll admit, knowing that you spied on me is creepy, but I understand where you were coming from. It makes sense that with your past; you would be paranoid and on your guard. If some random person just moved into a cabin that had clearly not been used in a while, right next door to you, a super-soldier who is in hiding, then yes you watch that person, you obviously watch that person."

Bucky took a moment to stare at her in disbelief before quietly saying, "You're crazy. I don't get how you can either be so calm or make jokes about everything."

"Are you referring to us? Our situation? Or your past?" Maddie said tiredly.

"Everything." He bit out. "Even before this you just trusted me without a real reason."

Maddie yawned and stretched, slumping back into the couch. "I have to, its either that or let my anxiety about this whole freaking day overwhelm me. You should know that I don't like tension and I'm not great with confrontation either, so I make jokes. As for being calm, I'm just a good listener." Her smile was tired this time, but she was genuinely happy that he was learning more about her. "Now if we are talking about you, or just people in general, I guess you could say that I'm the type of person who would rather believe that most people are good. I tend to trust until proven otherwise."

He leveled his eyes on her and shot back. "That's not the smartest thing to do."

"Yeah, it's more of a naive way of thinking but I'm not stupid; I trust my instincts. When I first met you, I felt safe, you felt…right, like being home. And look at that, I was right, we're soul mates."

'_We're meant to be together Bucky, don't push me away. You're my other half, the person I've been looking for, the man I could easily see myself loving forever. Please.'_

Glancing outside at the dark forest around them, Maddie pulled her phone from her pocket and was shocked to see that it was past six o'clock. If Bucky held her to her word, then the time she had with him was almost up. They had done what was agreed upon; have lunch and get to know each other. They did that, but Bucky had tried to leave so many times; how much longer could she really expect him to stay?

There was still so much up in the air; he was staying in the area, but would he return there when he left? Would he stay with her? Did she want him to say with her? Would he just…leave? The thought of him leaving like he said he should, terrified her. They had just found each other, yes, he had a horrible past and had a malevolent organization bent on world domination hunting him and was most likely considered an enemy of the Avengers. And…

'_Oh my God, what are we going to do?'_

Her brain couldn't, wouldn't, comprehend the probability of them parting ways after today and never seeing each other again. But her heart broke as she thought of everything that was stacked against them.

'_No, we're meant to be together, we can make it work. If we just talk about it, I'm sure Bucky will have some ideas.'_

"Umm, Bucky?" She tried to keep her voice as even and natural as possible, but her soul mate was a trained assassin/secret agent/super-soldier so of course, he would pick up on her inner turmoil. He turned to focus solely on her, his unspoken question heavy in the air. "I umm, what do you, I mean should we, umm". With her heart sinking into the pit of her stomach, Maddie lost all her courage.

"Maddie." His tone, distant and flat, seemed to say he knew exactly what she was trying to say and was warning her away from the topic.

"I was just umm going to ask…if you wanted…to watch a movie?" She cringed at the question she had barely been able to mumble out.

Bucky stared blankly at her for a moment before quietly saying, "Sure doll, what do you have in mind?"

She gave him a small smile, "One of my favorites." Maddie jumped up and walked down the hall to the bedroom, returning a minute later holding her laptop. Setting it on the coffee table between them, she waited for the movie program to load. In the quiet of the room, Maddie's attention shifted, and she watched as Bucky's eyes wandered towards the windows, focusing on a spot outside. From her location on the floor, she had a perfect view to watch as he began to drift deeper into his mind.

"Bucky? Are you ok?" Maddie asked as gently as she could but the man beside her flinched anyway.

"Umm, yeah, I'm fine. What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything, but the movies ready. Oh, umm you should probably sit on the couch; the screens small and it would be hard for you to see it if you're on the chair." She trailed off awkwardly as Bucky stood.

"Yeah, sure." Getting up slowly, Bucky moved towards the couch, choosing to sit with his metal arm on the outside, probably waiting for her to sit down on the other end, but after hitting play, Maddie sat right in the middle of the couch.

"Is this ok?" She asked with a hesitant smile.

"Yeah doll, this is fine." He said while leaning back. "Now what are we watching?"

"It's called Ghostbusters." Her smile was wide and goofy when the first few notes of the creepy music started to play, and the scene opened in the library. "Sorry if I seem too excited about a movie. It's just that, I'm getting to share my favorite movie with my soul mate, who is watching it for the first time. It's a big moment for me." She laughed and settled into the cushions.

'_It's also a reason for you to be here just a little bit longer.'_


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The first time Bucky awoke in the dream was almost ten years ago. The Winter Soldier had just completed a particularly brutal mission, and while that was nothing new, Bucky was sure that it would be one that would feature prominently in his mind for a while. He had been relieved when HYDRA didn't let the Soldier rest; instead, they sent him off on another task. But even that had been short-lived when he had been ordered to prepare for the mission; this included studying the target and location, selecting weapons, and (unfortunately) resting. The Asset complied with all orders so after a few hours of memorizing the data given to him, Bucky found himself fighting against the impulse to sleep. But, like every time before, his consciousness was quickly stripped from him.

His vision had gone from the cold concrete of the bunker to a mysterious shadowy forest overgrown with thick tall trees, whose foliage was so dense that it blocked out the sun. Breath coming in quick sharp pants, Bucky examined the unusual terrain, anxiously hoping to see something familiar. But when his mind connected a few dots, Bucky froze. Body shaking like a leave, he willed his fingers to move; cautious hope surged through him when they did. Slowly he brought his hands up to touch his chest and when his body continued to respond to his own will, Bucky fell to his knees on the dirt. He wept in relief and joy; the pressure of it building in his chest and squeezing the air in his lungs. For the first time in decades, his mind and body were his own and at that moment he believed that he had finally gone insane, and he didn't know if he ever wanted the hallucination to end. Then he saw movement from the corner of his eye, and everything changed. His peace was shattered, this wasn't his mind finally snapping and giving him a small moment of happiness before he lost it. No this was HYDRA; they had done something new to him. Found a new way to torture him.

Quickly rolling, he froze in a crouching position with his back pressed tightly to the trunk of a tree. When he heard no movement, save for the leaves above him gently dancing in the breeze, Bucky looked around the tree and saw that, a few feet away, the forest gave way to a sunny meadow covered in soft green grass. His eyes located a young woman resting peacefully against the trunk of the largest tree in the clearing, and his already tense muscles tightened even more. Who the fuck was she and what was she doing here? Was this in his head or had HYDRA dropped him in an unknown location with the Winter Soldier suppressed to see what he would do against this young woman?

He tried to assess the person in front of him, but something was wrong. His brain couldn't comprehend what he was looking at. He could see that the person was female, and from her petite figure, she seemed to be in her teens. But her face was obscured by something cloudy that blurred and wavered her features like he was looking at her through a fog. Suddenly his heart tripped as it started a frantic pace in his chest. A rush of electricity jolted through him, surging through his muscles, and knocking him on his ass. His breath sawed in and out of his lungs like he was an Army Private suffering through his first few days of basic training. With a growl of frustration, Bucky glared into the forest, not entirely sure what had happened. Leaning heavily against a tree, he tried to focus on slowing his breathing. A cool breeze blew towards him from within the forest bringing with it the crisp scent of pine and the rich aroma of the earth. It helped to cool his overheated skin and calm his racing heart.

Huffing in irritation, Bucky wished he could just take a moment to enjoy his surroundings, but Fate was never on his side these days. Something moved in the darkness catching his attention and Bucky shifted into a crouched position. Reaching for a weapon, he was shocked when he came up empty. He always had a small arsenal on his person and, while he was just as confident in his fighting abilities as he was with any weapon, being without even a knife left him feeling exposed. With another huff, he turned his focus back on the shadows just in time to track the dark silhouette of a man as they disappeared behind a large tree off to his left. Still as stone, he watched the tree, waiting for their next move. Everything was silent around him, not even the sounds of birds broke the quiet, and if he wasn't so focused on whoever was out here with them, Bucky would have questioned the fact that there wasn't any animal or insect sounds at all.

Ten minutes passed before Bucky saw them move again, darting to another tree, this one even closer. Rising to his feet, his mind and body easily slipped into the all too familiar role of a soldier, an assassin and, careful to make no noise, he moved to mirror the figure. Taking partial cover behind a tree, Bucky pressed his back to the bark and peeked around the trunk. When nothing moved he slowly made his way from tree to tree till he was right on top of the mysterious man. Moving quickly, Bucky hoped to surprise whoever it was, but when he rounded the tree no one was there.

Scanning the vicinity, he looked for the presence that had been moving through the trees but saw no sign of anyone. Heart beating calmly in his chest, he crouched down to inspect the dirt for tracks or anything he could find but everything was untouched like no one had ever been there. With a scowl and a shake of his head in irritation, he glared darkly into the forest before turning his attention back towards the girl; she was at least something he could investigate, instead of just chasing shadows around the forest.

.

Slowly over time, a part of him began to hate the dream. He couldn't figure out how to will himself into the dream yet, if that's what it was, and thus had only been there ten times in the past year. Then there was the fact that on those few precious occasions where he did find himself in the dream, he had to spend his time tense, alert, and still with no weapon. He would split his time between watching the shadows for movement because someone was definitely out there and they liked to fuck with him; and watching his young companion, who he had started to suspect was a real person. He couldn't recall if HYDRA was training children, but he knew it was something they wouldn't bat an eye at. Although it was still hard to rule out hallucinations or even a computer program. HYDRA had done some fucked up shit to him, so he wouldn't put that passed them to have finally broken something essential in his brain. But why this forest? Why this girl? It didn't make any sense. The whole situation was weird, and he couldn't figure it out. She was always in the same spot, never moving around, never getting up to explore. Those facts alone had him leaning towards a preset program. But then if that was the case, then why was she growing and aging as the years passed?

Then, regardless of any questions he had or information he had learned; nothing mattered. Whenever he awoke, he was still trapped within the confines of his own mind. The Winter Soldier was still in control and none of the handlers or HYDRA members ever said anything about it. His concerns over the movement in the shadows or his apprehension about the girl seemed to mean nothing, everything was always business as usual. Plus, with the Asset in control, it wasn't like Bucky could ask even if he wanted to. Frustration ate away at him, leaving him with only one option, to watch everything; to be ready to defend his brief moments of freedom should the need ever arise.

On one such occasion, two years or twenty-five total times in the dream; Bucky decided that he would try to explore deeper into the darkness. He thought that if he could walk far enough away from the meadow, he might learn…something. But moments after he left sight of the meadow, he felt something ram into his side, throwing him to the ground. Skidding to a stop, Bucky quickly got to his feet, ready for the next attack, but no one came. Instead, he saw the shadow of a man take cover behind a tree. Bucky knew this wasn't over, the shadow man had been growing bolder over the year, but this was the first time he had ever flat out attacked him.

As quietly as he could, Bucky slowly made his way toward the tree but the sound of someone running at him broke the silence. He turned just in time to block the punch that was aimed at his head, three more quick strikes followed that, but none got passed his guard. In no mood for this shit, Bucky stepped into his attacker, sending a quick elbow strike to his throat. The shadow man leaned back a step giving Bucky the advantage. Throwing a fast-upward strike to what would be the man's solar plexus, Bucky followed it with a knee to the gut; putting enough force behind it to stagger the shadow man back a few steps. Wanting this to end quickly, Bucky tried to take his attacker to the ground, but the man was quicker. Crouching down, they rammed Bucky, driving both of them backward. Pain radiated threw Bucky's back and up into his shoulders as he was slammed into the thick trunk of a tree, pinning him between the two.

Blow after blow was delivered to his stomach and side in quick succession, forcing the air out of Bucky's lungs. Pain exploded through his body with every hit, but Bucky barely noticed as he wrapped one arm around his attacker's shoulder, trying to lock him in place. Raising the other, he brought his elbow down with devastating force, connecting again and again with the shadows upper back and shoulder. Finally, the shadow relented enough for Bucky to get a good grip on him, and Bucky promptly sent him crashing into a tree.

Panting, Bucky held his side as he shuffled forward, swaying just a bit before he got his feet planted under him. He watched as his opponent mirrored his own movements and Bucky tensed, waiting for the next attack. But the shadow seemed to disappear before his very eyes, blending into the ones cast by the thick trees around them. "Where did you go, you bastard?" Glancing warily around, he tried to find it again, unaware of the shadow breaking away from a tree behind him.

Without warning, pain exploded from the center of Bucky's back. It felt like two feet had come crashing down onto the center of his back; knocking him off his feet and sending him crashing onto his stomach a few feet away. The landing drove the air from his lungs and Bucky had to lay still for a few seconds, gasping for air. Finally, when he could breathe again, he lifted his head from the dirt and watched as the shadow ran deeper into the forest. Rolling onto his back, Bucky grunted in pain. "I fucking hate that guy."

.

* * *

It was hard to keep track of how many times he had been pulled into the dream; even harder to keep track of the days, months, or years outside of it. Between being frozen in storage, fighting the Winter Soldier for control, being tortured, having to go on missions, being wiped with that fucking chair, and losing himself in the darkness of his mind. Bucky guessed that a little over four years had passed since he first woke in the dream; and he had grown to both cherish and despise his time there. Because, while it was the only peace and comfort in his life, it was also an unwanted source of frustration and suspicion.

Growing up, his mother had told him about the dreamland she shared with his father but sharing dreams only happened with your soul mate, and it NEVER happened before you met. So, he had to keep telling himself over and over that this couldn't be his dreamland. This wasn't the place made for him and his soul mate, the place where they could be alone, to relax in each other's company, to dream about their lives together, because he didn't have a soulmate. She was dead. They had never met and would never meet. They would never get to build their dream together. This was just HYDRA accidentally discovering a new way of torturing him; to taunt him with what he could have had, had he and his soul mate found each other before the war.

Once he had accepted the fact that it wasn't fate or destiny, or whatever the fuck, giving him a small sliver of false hope; Bucky had relented to his curiosity and stepped into the meadow. He had braced for some type of impact, be it an alarm or an attack, but nothing happened. The world didn't fall apart, he wasn't pushed back into the shadows by a hail of bullets, Hell his mysterious companion hardly even moved. He watched as she tensed, tilting her head up to give him her full attention, or that's what he assumed happened because he still couldn't see her clearly. They watched each other for a long minute, neither moving. Frustration ate at him and he wished he could see her face. Was she surprised? Suspicious? Had he frightened her? What was she going to do now that he revealed himself?

Slowly she raised a hand and Bucky tensed, ready to neutralize or disarm her should he need to. But all she did was tap the grass beside her, welcoming him to sit down; and it was like a seal had been broken. From then on when Bucky awoke in the dream, he would search for the shadow man, then he would walk to the edge of the clearing and wait for her to beckon him over. Sometimes it would take longer than others for her to notice him but soon, after years of watching in the shadows, this became his new normal.

.

* * *

_(Eight years into the dream-)_

The moment Bucky opened his eyes and saw a wall of pitch-black shadows; he knew something was wrong. His entry point into the dream was normally a pretty dim spot; the sun having to fight the thick canopy for every moment of brightness it could get, but this was different entirely. The sun was gone, leaving a night so black that the darkness practically hummed. Every single time he had woken up in the dream, during the past eight-ish years, nothing had ever changed. Not a tree, not a branch, and certainly not something this drastic. So being here now was bizarre and it left the hardened soldier wary. What the fuck was going on? Even the air felt different; damp, and cold like a storm was coming.

Without his heightened senses, walking through the dark forest would have been almost impossible to navigate, but Bucky was able to carefully make his way towards the clearing. A strange creaking groaning sound came from somewhere behind him, startling Bucky. Turning quickly, he searched the forest, unsure of what would make that noise. "What the fuck was that?" Breathing harshly through his nose, he continued to search the area, but he couldn't make out anything in the gloom. Slowing his pace, Bucky kept his head on a swivel, wary of something coming up from behind him.

Slowly Bucky broke through the tree line and moved towards cover. Crouching down with his back pressed against a tree he surveyed the familiar terrain and froze. Body going limp with confusion, Bucky tilted his head and gazed at the empty spot his companion usually occupied. Getting up, he quickly jogged towards the familiar trunk of her tree and crouched down to examine the grass. He had never been here without her, and it was alarming for him now to see her usual spot empty, with no sign of her ever being there. "Where the fuck is she?" The girl, now woman, had always been here with him, so where was she now? Anxiety pooled like led in his gut and he scanned the familiar wall of trees around him, but there was no trace of her. He strained his ears to hear anything at all but, again, nothing. There wasn't even any wind to sway the branches and move the grass around him. Everything was silent, empty, dark.

A deep ripple of sound came from above him and looking up he saw dark heavy clouds stuck in the sky. Glaring up at the dark clouds, Bucky watched as a dim ripple of light passed through them. "Wonderful." Climbing to his feet, Bucky patted down his body, maybe with all the changes going around he would finally find a weapon, but surprise, surprise, still nothing. It seemed like he was destined to be unarmed in this dream.

Taking a quick turn, Bucky tried to figure out what he should do next. He could go back the way he came; figure out what that noise was. He could stay here and wait to see if his companion showed up, but it was just as likely that the shadow man would pop out of nowhere to fight him. Or he could just pick a direction and see what he could find. Circling the meadow again, he tried to weigh his options when suddenly the faint deep tolling of a bell sounded from somewhere on his left, from deep within the forest.

"What was that?" Using the adrenaline pumping through his system, Bucky took several long strides away from the tree, turned, and ran back towards it. Planting his foot against the coarse bark, he pushed off and used his back and upward momentum to grab the thick branches, hauling himself up with little effort tell, after only a few short minutes, he was steadying himself against the much narrower trunk a few feet away from the top. Thanks to his enhanced sight, Bucky could see pretty far but, while the view was incredible, it was very disheartening. An endless sea of trees, dark and thick stretched out for miles, unbroken and ominous. Regardless, he searched the area thoroughly, inch by slow inch.

.

"Fuck!" He whispered sharply after he finished the sixth sweep and again saw nothing, no path, no trail, no other clearings, not even any difference in the elevation. From what he could tell, he was in the only visible clearing for miles, completely surrounded by towering trees. So, with a huff of frustration, Bucky started to make his way down; if he couldn't find a path, he would just have to forge one, when suddenly a feminine scream ripped through the silence. Whipping his head in the direction, Bucky froze. There! In the same direction as the bell toll, he heard the scream again but this time softer as if the wind had carried it to him from far away. Rushing down, practically jumping out of the tree; Bucky landed hard, rolling before jumping back to his feet and sprinting into the forest.

The moment he broke through the tree line, Bucky felt it, he was being watched. They were in the woods with him. Immediately his training overrode the need to rush headlong through the darkness and he stopped, searching the shadows for movement but found only an endless number of trees. Keeping one eye on the shadows around him, Bucky continued on his way, running through the darkness.

Suddenly, without any warning, the shadow man darted out from behind a tree, running towards him then quickly pivoting to run on his right. Startled, Bucky stopped and watched as the man weaved his way through the trees, darting in and out of the shadows. "Fucking bastard." He growled, watching their progress tell they disappeared completely into the darkness. Shaking off the surprise, Bucky tried to pick up the pace, but after only a few feet an underbrush of thick bushes and saplings seemed to suddenly appear out of nowhere.

Rolling under a low hanging branch, Bucky stopped for a second to scout the area. He hoped that he was still going in the right direction. The forest was becoming a wild mess, fallen trees, overgrown bushes, and thick brambles choking the ground; he would have to tread lightly if he hoped to get through it in one piece. Taking a step in the same direction he had been going; Bucky suddenly stumbled at the sudden resistance put onto his movement. Looking down he was shocked to see standing water rising up to pool around his ankles. "What the hell is going on?" Bucky was about to reach down to touch the surface of the water when a sudden loud crack split the silence.

He had just enough time to dodge a large branch as it fell from the tree next to him. It landed with a crash right where he had previously stood, sending water flying towards him. Stunned, Bucky watched as smaller branches and hundreds of leaves followed down in its wake, having been taken down with it. Heart pounding in his chest, he took several deep breaths; subconsciously wiping the water from his face, only to grimace at the sticky sensation it left behind. "What the fuck?" Bringing his wet hand to his nose, Bucky was surprised to find that he recognized the smell. "Salt water? What the hell is,"

Swift movement and the sounds of splashing caught his attention; annoyed, Bucky watched as the shadow figure darted from tree to tree to circle him. He was surprised that his teeth didn't break from how tightly his jaw clenched. They were toying with him and he was in no mood for that shit. The man would get just close enough for him to see them before disappearing back into the shadows, and it was starting to really piss Bucky off.

He stood, glaring as the figure stopped suddenly before slowly walking into his line of sight, then they boldly stood, almost daring him to make the first move. Shock punched Bucky in the gut sending him staggering backward, almost causing him to lose his footing as the now muddy ground clung to his boots. "WHAT THE FUCK!" He roared at the man in front of him, who was now suddenly more than just a disembodied shadow. He glared murderously at the transparent figure of himself standing not twenty feet away from him. Hight, build, hair, stance, clothing, everything was the same save for one detail, the man in front of him wore the mask and goggles that HYDRA insisted he ware while on missions. All this fucking time the man in the shadows was the God damn Winter Soldier, the fucking Asset. Where they so intertwined now that, not even in this one place of freedom, could Bucky get away from him?

Neither men moved as they stared each other down, Bucky seething with anger while the other just watched him unmoving. Then with no warning, a tree shot up inches from where Bucky stood. Branches shooting out and bursting with leaves as it grew rapidly. On the heels of that, another sharp cry shattered the night, sounding weaker than the last one. Both men exploded into action, moving towards the cry in tandem.

Hatred pooled thick and heavy in Bucky's chest as he glared at the shadow version of the Winter Soldier. Gritting his teeth, he moved faster, determined that he would make it there, wherever 'there' was, first. Whoever was out here sounded hurt and scared and if it was the woman from the clearing, then he needed to find her before the sadistic Soldier did. He didn't even want to think about what would happen if that fucking monster got to her first. Pushing himself harder, Bucky barreled his way through the waterlogged forest, ripping branches from trees when they got in his way, and using thicker ones to swing himself over areas clogged with bramble or flooded with water.

He would catch glimpses of the Asset moving next to him every so often and it would feed his frustration, forcing him to move faster. Sometimes the man would be only a few feet away, then they would dart around a tree and disappear. It was during one of these moments that Bucky had to stop and get his bearings. The water, still around his ankles, now seemed to be rippling with mysterious waves that would crest up the sides of the trees. Deciding that his best bet would be to climb up a tree again. Bucky turned and was about to jump to the closest branch when the sound of a twig snapping broke the silence. Swiftly turning around Bucky saw him again, much closer than before.

Tensing, he backed up tell he was partially covered by the trees and, instinctually, he reached for a weapon; silently cursing when, yet again, his hand came back empty. It looked like this would end in a fistfight again. Squaring up, Bucky watched when the shadow of the monster he had become emerged from behind the trees to run at him. Mirroring the movement, Bucky stepped out from cover, standing his ground, ready for a fight. But three things suddenly happened all at once, a large wave broke through the trees, crashing against Bucky's chest, pushing him back and splashing him with salt water. The deep tolling of a bell rang throughout the forest, and somewhere in the forest, a woman cried out in agony. Both men froze and looked towards the sound. The need to be with whoever was calling out to him overwhelmed Bucky and he took a step in their direction just as the Winter Soldier barreled into him, sending him crashing under the water and out of the dream.

.

After that night Bucky actively tried to go back to the dream; he was worried what such a large change meant, but he was unable to go back before the fall of HYDRA, before Captain America, Steve, broke through his programing and he went into hiding. He had been able to return one night during his stay in the forest of Washington. The area had reminded him so much of the dream that, despite his fucked-up mind, he had been able to drift off without too much trouble, letting the all too familiar forest surround him in peace. It looked just like it had before, no darkness, no water, just a cool breeze, and the soft melody of the woman humming in the clearing.

With no sign of the Winter Soldier, Bucky booked it towards the meadow anxious to see if the woman was ok. Stopping at the tree line he watched her as she raised her face towards the sun, relaxing back against the large trunk. The wind played with the tips of her hair and fluttered the hem of her dress. Leaning over she ran her fingers over the fabric, something he had never seen her do before, and he wondered just what else had changed. Sitting down beside her, he didn't have to wonder very long. Turning to face him, she hesitantly brought her hand up and he froze, unable to stop her as she gently brushed her fingertips along his sleeve.

He wasn't sure if it was the shock of her touching his metal arm or just the memories of his passed invading his mind, but he had been yanked away from her and thrown, unwillingly, into a nightmare. Something that, once again, had never happened before. His dream had changed that night and now he wasn't sure what would be waiting for him the next time he awoke in that forest.

.

* * *

(Present day-)

Bucky leaned heavily against a thick tree, a small smile pulling at his lips as he watched the leaves dance in the trees overhead. A cool breeze blew against his face and he let its soothing scent ease is mind and body. He had a soul mate, she was alive; no matter how many times he repeated it to himself, Bucky still couldn't get over the elation it made him feel. He never thought that the universe would ever give him the joy of spending the day with his soul mate, but it did. He was at that very moment holding her as she slept peacefully next to him and he had never felt more content. He now understood why he had been so reluctant to leave the area when she moved into the cabin. Saving her from falling in the water was the best decision he had ever made. And it was funny to think that, at one point, he thought she was a HYDRA agent.

HYDRA.

Just the thought of those bastards was enough to bring down his mood. Crossing his arms over his chest, Bucky glared down at his boots and wished that everyone who had ever been connected to HYDRA would fuck off in the most painful way possible. Because he knew that, at some point down the line, he would have to deal with those assholes again but he didn't know if that would be sooner or later. He didn't want to ever inflict that part of his life on Maddie if he didn't have to. But as a result of that, their time together would have to be short. He would have to leave soon and pray that being with her today would be enough to sustain him for the rest of his miserable life.

Something caught his attention and Bucky watched in fascination as a bush sprouted out of the ground next to his feet; growing larger until he was forced to step away from it. Curious to know just how big it would get, Bucky watched as fat round balls of flowers sprang up all over the bush, bending the branches with their weight. "What is happening to this place?" He asked the flowers in bemusement. Looking around, Bucky saw more of the large bushes sprout up around the area, each one taking on a different hue of pink, purple, and blue. Walking from plant to plant, Bucky had to admit the flowers were pretty and the brilliant jewel tones they added to the forest were striking.

Curiosity finally pulled him towards the meadow, the one place he had longed to go from the beginning but had denied himself in order to keep watch out for the Soldier. Breaking through the tree line, Bucky's feet faltered at the sight before him, his mind and body going numb. The first thing that caught his attention was the person he saw smiling up at him from under the shade of the large tree. His Maddie had a pleasantly surprised look on her face and was slowly getting to her feet to greet him. So many questions shot through is mind all at once, but he had to instantly set them all aside as he saw another person in the meadow. Walking slowly up behind his soul mate was the Winter Soldier.

The sight of himself/the Winter Soldier getting closer to his Madison made the blood freeze in his veins. Rage and panic and fear and fury swirled hot inside of his gut all coalescing to form a sickening ball of desperation. Nothing would ever hurt her, not even the monster that was himself.

Bucky had never run so fast in his whole life; blowing passes Maddie, he barely heard her surprised exclamation before he was on the fucker that had turned him into a monster. He fought the Soldier with the ferocity of a man possessed, taking and delivering devastating blows but feeling nothing but rage. Dodging out of the way of a particularly nasty punch to the face; Bucky stood only to be thrown backward as the shadow of his other self lunged at him.

The fall to the forest floor seemed to take way to long and Bucky found himself fighting in an almost zero gravity situation. Light suddenly pored through his eyes and the familiar weight of a knife settled against his palm.

He finally hit solid ground with a jarring thud, landing hard against his hip. Anticipating the weight of his enemy to fall on him, Bucky pushed against the cold floor with one hand, rolling up onto one knee. With his other foot planted on the wooden floorboards, he swung the knife down towards where he expected the Soldier to have landed. It was only because of his enhanced Super-Soldier reflexes that he was able to stop the knifes' progress when he did.

Horror filled Bucky as he saw the deadly sharp edge of the blade resting against the neck of the sleeping woman on the couch. It had nestled, just barely, into the soft skin of his soul mates' neck. Slicing a paper-thin cut into Maddie's skin. His Madison. His soul mate. He had almost cut his soul mates throat as she slept peacefully on the couch.

'_Oh fuck, Oh fuck, oh God, OH GOD, OH GOD! NO! What have I done!'_

Never in his life had Bucky EVER felt this terrified. He had fought in World War 2, had been captured, experimented on, had fallen off a train, spent seventy years being tortured and imprisoned in his own mind, and was forced to watch as he became a monster. But he would willingly return to all that if he could just undo the last 10 seconds of his life.

He couldn't move, too afraid that if he did the blade would go the wrong way, going deeper into her.

There was a building pressure in his lungs, but he couldn't remember how to breathe.

His vision tunneled tell all he could see was his hand holding the blade of a hunting knife against the neck of his sleeping soul mate.

Suddenly the blade started to vibrate ever so slightly, and, to his ever-growing horror, Bucky realized that his hand was shaking. His whole body was trembling, and he was hurting her even more, but he still couldn't move. It was only when a dark red bead of blood began to slowly seep out from under the blade did Bucky rip his hand up and away.

Not wanting to see but unable to look away, he watched as a small drop of blood slid down her pale skin and was absorbed into the collar of her sweater. Blinking owlishly, he returned his attention to the weight in his upturned hand and almost threw up. A small bead of blood was gradually making its way down the blade of the knife, slowly inching its way towards his hand.

He wanted it to stop; prayed and begged for it to stop but he couldn't do anything as it reached his fingers. Instantly he felt it absorbing into his hand, staining the skin forever. Dropping the knife, he scooted away as it clattered noisily to the floor and his eyes jumped to Maddie. Freezing in place, he stared wide-eyed as he waited for her to wake up, but she didn't. Instead, she shifted restlessly in her sleep, frowning as she settled. His eyes caught on another drop of blood that slowly slid down her pale skin and Bucky had to look away. He couldn't bear to see the harm he had caused her, the one person he never wanted to hurt. With his heart seizing in his chest, Bucky stood on shaking legs and backed away.

'_I have to leave.'_


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Maddie awoke with a start early that next morning; a sense of unease already building in the pit of her stomach and her soul mates name on her lips. "Bucky!" She cried out, then sucked in a ragged breath as the muscles of her neck and shoulder spasmed painfully. "Oh God that hurts." Slowly moving onto her back, Maddie was suddenly struck with a new sting of pain from the front of her neck. "What the hell?" Without thinking about it, she raised her right hand to investigate but grimaced when her shoulder and neck contracted into a tight ball of pain that had her gasping for breath. "Oh my God, I get it. I slept on my neck wrong, stop!" She lay frozen on the couch, too afraid to move, begging her muscles to cease their painful spasming.

Calling out for him again, Maddie finally realized just how silent the cabin was. Wanting to see if he was still in the room, Maddie slowly sat up, thinking that slow methodical movements would hurt less than quick ones. While at the same time blindly reaching out her hand with the intention of leaning against her arm. But everything fell apart when instead of the soft leather that she expected to feel, her hand met empty air. With a shriek, she fell hard onto the cold wooden floor.

Her shoulder took the brunt of the fall but her upper back, neck, and head quickly followed, sending pain shooting, white-hot, all over her upper body. It stole her breath, and for a few moments, all Maddie could do was lay on the floor, wheezing and blinking up at the blanket that entangled her lower body. "Bucky?" Choking on his name, she hoped that he would suddenly appear in her line of sight, with a concerned look and a helping hand. But when the pain began to fade and he still hadn't come to her aid, Maddie began to feel a pit opening in her stomach. Any small movement of her upper body brought a whole new wave of pain crashing down on her, but Maddie had to get up; she needed to know what was going on, needed to talk to him about seeing him in her dream, hell she just needed to see him. From the light filtering in through the windows, she would guess that it was early morning, so there was a chance that he had kept his word and was already gone, but she would hold on to any shred of hope she could still cling to.

Gasping and grumbling, she slowly, inch by painful inch, untangled herself from the quilt and rolled the rest of the way off the couch. Slowly turning so that she was sitting crisscross on the floor, Maddie ran her fingers over her neck and was shocked to find a small cut, about the size of her pinky, that ran across her throat. "What is that?" Grabbing her phone from her pocket, she turned on the front camera and saw a shallow cut, that looked to have been made quite recently, and a small blood trail that led to a little stain on the collar of her coat. "When did that happen?"

Getting to her feet, Maddie tried to look around for Bucky but even the slightest of movements would set off a new wave of agony.

'_Wonderful, the next few days should be really fun.'_

Turning in a circle, Maddie was dismayed but yet unsurprised to find herself all alone. Bucky didn't seem like the type of guy who would have left her on the floor while she was in obvious pain. No, he was a protector and would have been there instantly to help her. With a sinking feeling, Maddie made her way down the hall and towards the bathroom. The hole in her stomach grew with every step she took tell she was running the last few feet to the door. "Bucky!?"

.

-Flashback-

.

"So, what did you think?" Maddie said as she swayed to the beat of the theme song as it played over the credits. Pausing the movie and sinking back into the couch, she gave Bucky a bright smile, hoping she hadn't just bored her soul mate to death for an hour and a half. She watched as he turned towards her and met her eyes with a small smile of his own.

"Yeah, that was pretty good, and now I know what to say if someone asks me if I'm a god." He teased with a lightness in his voice that Maddie was overjoyed to hear.

Laughing at his joke, her smile grew brighter. "Oh, always say yes! It might just save your life someday." Giggling, she beamed up at him. "I knew you would like it." Throwing her fists into the air, her smile grew bigger, tell she knew she looked like a total goof. But it felt so wonderful to laugh and joke around with her soul mate that Maddie didn't care if she was making herself look silly. Settling back into the couch, Maddie continued. "They made a second one, it's also amazing and something you just have to see. It's only," she turned to check the time on the screen. "Eight o'clock, want to watch that one too?" Maddie hoped that he couldn't hear the over-eager tone of her voice but when he glanced at the clock, seeming to weigh his options, she knew he had.

Everything was going so well, and Maddie wished she had the ability to stop time so they could live in this moment for a little bit longer, instead of just being able to grow plants. But now the reality of their situation, something she had been using the movie to distract herself from, refused to be pushed aside any longer. Her smile faltered as it settled heavily in her mind once again, and the happiness she had just felt began to dim. He had made it pretty clear that he was planning on leaving at the end of the night. But to where, Maddie wasn't sure. The thought that his past could force him to leave the area, Hell the state, and never look back made her eyes start to burn, and Maddie had to quickly turn her face away from him. Needing a moment to compose herself; Maddie stood abruptly and forced a bright smile, "You know what, I'm going to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

The feeling of his eyes on her followed Maddie down the hall until she closed the bathroom door with a soft click. Pressing her back to the door, she leaned heavily against it and stared up at the ceiling. "What do I do?" Pressing her palms into her eyes, Maddie groaned and thought back to every stupid chick-flick she had ever watched. Nothing had ever prepared her for this situation; no girl talks with her mom or friends, no Vogue magazine love advice columns, no romantic movies; nothing. "Why did I even take all those 'Your ideal Soul Mate' online quizzes? You have failed me Buzzfeed." Groaning, Maddie leaned a hip against the counter and dug her phone out of her sweatshirt pocket. "I'm sure all he needs is a little more time. Our situation is tricky and…a little dangerous, but I'm sure we can work around it. It's not like I'm a public figure, I mean I don't even really like Facebook. Hell, we could stay here for the next few months then go back to San Juan and continue to be a normal boring couple. Yeah, that could work." Putting her phone down, she pulled the rubber band from her hair and gently ran her fingers through it before putting her hair into a messy bun at the top of her head. "God I could really use some advice right now." Tapping her phone so that her screen lit up, Maddie huffed and glared down at the little triangle that was completely void of bars. Gently tossing her phone onto the counter, she absentmindedly started to pick at her nail polish. "What do I do now?"

Walking the few steps to the sink, she turned on the faucet and ran her fingers through the cold-water as it slowly warmed up. Cupping some in her hands, Maddie dropped her head and splashed the water onto her face. Then, bracing her hands on either side of the sink, she let the water slowly drip into the bowl. When the view of the sink started to blur, she grabbed a towel and patted herself dry. "You're ok, everything will be ok. Just go out there and enjoy the time…you have…with him. Just breathe. Everything will work out for the best." Placing her hand on the doorknob, Maddie wished her brain would just shut up and take her own advice, but her words sat like ash on her tongue. "Wish I could talk to you mom." She whispered, wiping her eyes one last time before opening the door.

.

Cold air and the sound of rain greeted her as she walked back into the main room. Looking around, Maddie saw Bucky standing outside leaning against the back wall. Striding over with all the confidence that she didn't feel; she leaned a hip against the door frame and watched him as he stared into the darkness. "What umm…what are you doing out here?" Her question came out with more worry then she wanted but seeing him outside didn't sit well with her. When he did finally turn to look at her; Maddie felt her stomach drop. His face just minutes ago, had been so open, he had smiled and even joked around with her, now he was distant and closed off and she couldn't read him at all.

"Nothing, just stepped out for a minute doll." His tone was casual and nonchalant, but it made her even more uneasy.

"Do you want to come back inside, we can watch the other movie or just talk or," Maddie trailed off as his ice-blue eyes moved over her face. He seemed to be studying her for a moment before his eyes met hers again. They stared at each other for a long time before she looked away. Feigning the same casual stance and attitude that he was so effortlessly giving off; Maddie looked out into the black forest around them. "You know, you could always stay." She said in a small voice, "This is a pretty 'off the grid' location, in a small town. Or we could go back to San Juan…" Maddie trailed off, letting her words hang in the dark between them. A shiver ran down her spine and she couldn't tell if it was from the chill in the air or from the fact that Bucky was still watching her. Rubbing at her arms, Maddie waited for him to say something, but as the silence stretched out, she began to weigh the pros and cons of going back inside to grab a blanket. Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by his deep voice.

"Let's just go watch that second movie."

.

-End of flashback-

.

His name bounced off the walls before silence once again filled the cabin. "No, no, no, no, no, not yet; please still be here." Dread started to seep into her, churning her stomach. "Bucky?" She called out again, "Are you here?" She knocked lightly on the bathroom door before gently pushing it open. "Bucky?" Hope shook her voice, but her body grew colder as she saw the empty room. Whipping around, she threw open her bedroom door. "Hello?" Nothing. She was completely and utterly alone in the cabin.

Remembering his stuff by the back door, Maddie rushed back into the main room, using the corner of the hallway to propel herself into the larger space. Pain lanced through her neck and shoulder causing her to wince and suck in a shallow breath as her neck spasmed sharply. Rubbing at the stiff muscles, she walked to the back door and looked down at the empty space. Sorrow filled her and she moved to unlock the door as she thought back to the night before. She didn't remember making it through the second movie, probably falling asleep as the toaster danced around on the pool table. Staggering through the open door, she gasped at the sudden drop in temperature. The ice-cold wooden boards of her deck stung her feet and the rush of the wind stole her breath.

"Oh my God!" It was unbelievably cold that morning with rain pouring rapidly from the sky. Racing back inside, Maddie picked up the blanket that lay half on the couch, wrapping it around herself before turning to jog back outside. Hugging the warm fabric closer, she flung herself towards the railing. Her breath came out in small puffs as she searched the area for any sight of him. "Bucky!?"

Her last thin shred of hope that he would be back here having just gotten up early to enjoy the fresh air, snapped as she saw no sign of her soul mate. "Please." Her voice wavered and broke as she looked around, straining to hear, or even see anything through the heavy curtain of rain that came down with a vengeance. Nothing. No response, no movement, just the feeling of the icy boards stinging her feet and the air freezing her lungs. Unwilling to move, she kept searching, looking towards the tree line, hoping to see him.

A small movement off in the distance caught her eye and she leaned over the railing, straining her eyes to see through the downpour.

'_Is that a person?'_

Calling out to the maybe silhouette of what might be a man; Maddie was surprised when it stopped moving. Sorrow that she might be witnessing her soul mate reject and walk away from her, tore through her, and for a moment her breath caught in her throat. Curling the numb fingers of one hand around the wooden railing, the other raised to rub at the letters tattooed on her skin. Her eyes burned with tears and blinking quickly, she felt them slide down her face to mix with the rain. Sucking in a ragged breath, she coughed as the icy wind burned her lungs.

"Please," her voice cracked as she spoke. "Please come back." Her heart jolted painfully when the form started to move again, and she had to bite her lip to keep from crying out when it finally disappeared into the shadows. It took everything in her not to jump over the railing, as he had done the day before, and run into the woods. Pushing the palm of her hand against his name she slowly rubbed at the ache that began to form behind the words. This habit had always brought her comfort in the past but now it just left her feeling hollow. Pulling the blanket tighter around her body, Maddie tried to think reasonably, but doubt started eating away at her.

'_Come on Maddie give the guy some time. He's been through a lot of shit; maybe he just needs a day to get his head on straight. Because…he will come back. He will.'_

When her feet started to go numb, Maddie shook herself, trying to rid her mind of the heavy feeling keeping her rooted to the spot. Scrubbing the soft fabric of the blanket over her face, Maddie backed up a step, wobbling unsteadily on her feet. As she stood there, on legs that had gone numb from the cold, she tried to think of what to do next. Her mind came up blank every time, but she thought that she should probably go back inside and warm up, which seemed like the healthy thing to do. Without much thought, she began to turn around but couldn't help herself from looking back towards the woods. Then, with a sad sigh, Maddie closed the door with a soft click.

.

* * *

.

The sound of dripping filled the silent room as Maddie soaked in a bathtub full to the brim with hot cinnamon scented water. Her face was flush from the heat and her hair drooped in its high bun from the moisture of the steam that filled the room. Sinking deeper into the warmth, she ignored the sting from the cut on her throat and sighed deeply as the tight muscles of her neck and shoulders were completely submerged in the soothing heat. Only her face, from her nose, up was left out and she could feel her tears mix with the water as they slid endlessly from her eyes. It had been twelve and a half hours since she had woken on the couch alone, and she could honestly say that she should have just gone back to sleep when she had the chance. The rest of the day was a mix of physical and emotional pain with a dash of fluctuating hope thrown in for good measure.

Unwilling to accept the idea that he might have left her forever, that she may be one of the few unlucky people in the world to be rejected, for some reason or another, by their soul mates; Maddie refused to think too hard about what this might mean for them, for her. She wouldn't call anyone for help or advice, refused to feel the ache that had started in her collar bone, and certainly would not be leaving her cabin. Because it was hers and she was going to enjoy her vacation damn it, and what if…what if he came back and she was gone.

So, instead, she cleaned up the cut on her throat and spent the rest of the day puttering around the cabin; cleaning unnecessarily and trying to use her work as a distraction. Because if she didn't do something to keep herself occupied, she would walk out onto the deck and scan the woods for any signs of Bucky. And she knew that being out there all day was dumb and unhealthy and she couldn't keep doing that. But sometimes the desire would get so strong that she couldn't stop herself from carefully wrapping a blanket around her shoulders and standing outside in the cold. The rain continued to pelt the roof with a deluge of water, soaking everything, making it hard to see more than a foot in front of her face, but she still found herself straining her eyes for any sight of him. Then, as the hours ticked by and the sun began to set, Maddie's hope started to crumble.

.

By early evening, Maddie felt like there was a tether around her heart that was pulling her outside. The pain of fighting it was just as bad as the pain of giving in to it and not seeing him, so to help dull the ache, she opened a chilled bottle of white wine and poured herself a generous amount. She drank while sitting outside, having dragged a chair along with her blanket onto the deck. She thought that it would be enough just to be out there, thought the sounds of nature would be calming, and if all else failed she could just drink the whole bottle of wine. But it didn't help, the sound of the rain coming down and the cold damp air brought back to many bad memories, and the ache in her chest didn't want to ease its grip on her heart. Maybe drowning out her own thoughts and feelings with music would have helped. But tonight, her music app seemed to only want her to listen to heartfelt love songs.

Growling, she unlocked her phone and forcefully jabbed her finger down on the 'next song' button. Love song after love song crooned mournfully back at her from the speakers, and it took every ounce of will power she had not to hurl her phone into the night. When Michael Bublé started singing about missing someone and wanting to go home, Maddie was done. Angrily collecting her stuff, she slammed the door, forcefully locked it, and made a beeline for the bathroom.

The only thing that had ever brought her comfort and peace 100% of the time was a nice long soak in a very hot bath. So, she laid in the hot water, clumps of bubbles drifting here and there, cup and wine bottle sitting next to her on the edge of the tub, trying desperately to calm down. Feeling her chest tightened painfully, Maddie took several deep breaths through her nose, needing to keep her breathing steady or she would probably end up choking on the water.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Maddie slowly reached for her glass, groaning as the movement sent painful shocks through her nerves. A sob welled up in her throat, squeezing her lungs and Maddie fought hard to keep it down. Struggling to breathe, she lifted her face from the water to inhale and exhale sharply. Pain be damned, she quickly grabbed her glass and drained the last few swallows, hoping the alcohol would numb her pain.

'_Waited almost 9 years for him, we have one night and just like that he's gone without even a goodbye. Why the fuck did my soul mate have to be a man on the freaking run?!'_

With one final humorless chuckle, her anger melted back into sadness and she let the pit in her stomach, the one that had been slowly growing all day, fill her with its sorrow. The fresh air hadn't helped, the music hadn't helped, and the hot water certainly wasn't doing its job to help her either. So, pulling the plug on the bath, Maddie emerged from the water on unstable legs and quickly dried off. The whole day was a bust and she wanted to end it as soon as she could. Quickly throwing on some sweatpants and a tank top, she walked through the cabin locking up and turning off the lights.

Then climbing into bed, she used her very last sliver of energy to wrap herself up in all of the blankets and bury her face deep into the pillows. "I don't even know if I'll ever see him again. What am I supposed to do?" She whispered brokenly into the darkness.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"It really is disappointing just how slow 'fast-acting' pain relievers actually are." Maddie grumbled to herself as she stood in the shower letting the hot water beat down on her aching back. Reaching up, she rubbed at her stiff shoulder, hoping that the warmth and pressure would ease the tightness. So far it was unsuccessful, but she still had hope. Straightening with a moan, she grabbed her shampoo and, moving as quickly as her screaming muscles would let her, she lathered her hair with the thick purple goo. Working it in, Maddie massaged her scalp with her nails, enjoying the small pleasure. Then, dropping her arms, she let the thick foam sit in her hair as she washed her body, rinsed, and repeated the process with conditioner, then ended her shower by shaving her legs. The whole routine took longer than it normally would, but by the end, she had just a smidge more range of movement in her neck, and that was a win in her book.

Turning off the water, Maddie pushed aside the old plastic shower curtain and grabbed the towel she had left sitting on the toilet. She rubbed the fluffy white cotton slowly over her body; shivering as goosebumps spread along her skin. Automatically, she bent over and wrapped her dripping hair up in the towel, wincing when the action pulled at her stiff muscles. Feeling more annoyed with every twinge of pain, she stepped out of the shower and slipped on a bra and underwear before dressing in a pair of light jeans and a white thermal long sleeve top. Moving over to the vanity, she wiped the condensation off the mirror and frowned at the mess of a woman looking back at her.

The previous day had been rough on her. Not wanting to move around much, due to her shoulder and neck, Maddie had stayed close to the windows waiting for any sign of her soul mate to return. She kept herself busy by working on her pictures but, admittedly, she didn't get a whole lot done. She couldn't count the number of times something had caught her attention outside, and she would watch with bated breath only to be disappointed. Other times she would go outside and walk slowly down the overgrown path, gently trying to coax the foliage to move out of the way where she could, but she didn't seem to be gaining much ground on that front either. She felt like she was in limbo, with the reality of the situation slowly eroding away at her innate optimism.

But, she still kept telling herself that he had only been gone for two days. That he and his life were as complicated as complicated could ever get and it made sense that he would need time to think everything through. But, with every hour that passed, her heart sunk deeper and deeper into despair, leaving her miserable, numb, and in too much pain to keep her spirits up. She ended the day by crawling under her covers and cocooning herself in the warmth and pretend security that the blankets offered her. Tears swiftly filled her eyes as she settled down and Maddie finally let herself cry for the first time that day; something that didn't stop until exhaustion took hold, sending her into a dreamless sleep.

.

Brushing out her damp hair, Maddie walked into her room; shivering as her feet made contact with the icy wooden floorboards. "Oh cold, cold, cold! Why didn't I pick someplace warm for a vacation?" Feeling the brush glide smoothly through her hair, she tossed it onto the bed and opened one of the dresser drawers in search of more layers. "Like Mexico! Mexico is nice this time of year, I could have been lying next to a pool, drinking margaritas. But no; one isolated cabin in the forest of the Pacific Northwest for one-…." Straightening, Maddie rubbed at her neck and gazed longingly out the window. "For two, please. Gah!" Letting out a frustrated noise in the back of her throat, Maddie pressed her palms into her eyes. "Why are you such a fucking romantic?" She muttered under her breath, before returning to the task at hand.

Pulling on a chunky knit deep burgundy cardigan that fell to mid-thigh, Maddie relished in the warmth it provided. Finishing her look with a pair of thick wool socks, she sat on the bed and braided her wet hair. Her mind wandered as she went through the steps absentmindedly and, for the hundredth time in the last 48 hours, her eyes were drawn to the window.

She watched as fat raindrops traveled down the glass, obscuring the drenched forest outside. "I need to get out of this cabin." She muttered while wrapping a rubber band around the end of her braid. Flipping the thick plat over her shoulder, Maddie felt it settle against the middle of her back as she wiped the moisture from her hands onto her pants. Getting up, she walked back into the bathroom to see if she could make herself look less like a sad zombie.

It took her ten minutes to praise the gods of concealer and powder foundation and put herself together enough that she wouldn't scare away any small children. Then she grabbed her purse off of the kitchen counter, slipped on her gray boots, locked up the house, and made her way to the SUV.

.

* * *

.

The path out of the area was getting tremulous and muddy as the rain came down harder. This resulted in Maddie being tossed and jerked all over the cab. Slowing to a crawl, she kept a tight grip on the wheel, hoping that she wouldn't need to make this drive again anytime soon. "I should go- AH!" She gasped in alarm when her tire hit something, most likely a rock, hidden under the mud. "God damn it! Stupid muddy trail, I am putting fixing this at the top of Bucky's fix-it list!" Her heart squeezed painfully at the thought of Bucky but a sudden dip that made her head hit the ceiling brought her focus back. "Ow!" Turning on her radio, Maddie steadied her grip on the wheel, squared her shoulders, and sang along; hoping that the words would give her strength today. "Carry on my wayward son. For there'll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest. Don't you cry no more"

.

After a bruising half-hour, Maddie felt her tires gripped the solid pavement. "Oh thank God! I thought my bones were going to start shifting if I had to do that for much longer." The rest of the drive seemed like nothing at all after that and she entered the cute little town with a sigh of relief.

It looked like today was a quiet day for the rain-washed town. Hardly anyone was on the road with her so Maddie had no problem getting to the post office. Quickly pulling into a parking spot close to the front door, she pulled out her phone and waited for her email app to update. "Please, please, please; for the love of my sanity, give me a reason to be here. I don't want to waste the drive here by aimlessly wandering around town for the rest of the day." With her phone vibrating continuously in her hand, Maddie anxiously watched as email after email popped up. Finally, she saw the one she was looking for and, throwing a fist into the air, Maddie whooped as she read an email that said her packages were ready to be picked up.

Turning off her car, she jumped out into the rain and ran into the building, coming back ten minutes later pushing a cart full of boxes. It was difficult to maneuver the heavy cart with the rain beating down on her and her shoulder screaming, but she managed to get it to her car without crashing it, so that was another win in her book. "Thank God for small victories." She muttered to herself as she unlocked the car and opened the back drivers-side door.

One-handed, she tried to arrange the boxes so they rested neatly in the back, but the longer it took, the more frustrated she became with the entire situation. "Would you please just. Get. In. The. Fucking. Car!" She glared angrily at the last box as the cold rain beat down on her head, sliding down her back and making her shiver. "You'd better be pillows because of not, I'm going to have to reorder whatever the hell you are." With a loud huff, she pushed the back door close, literally forcing the box to squeeze between the car door and whatever box it was smashed against. When she finally heard the click of the door latching into place, Maddie slumped against the door; glaring at the mail cart as she subconsciously contorted her body to ease the pain of her aching shoulder. Quickly returning the cart, she staggered over to the driver's door, pulled it open, threw herself in, and locked the door. It would be just her luck that the boxes would rebel against their less than comfortable situation and force the door open, spilling out all over the street.

Before going home Maddie stopped at a hardware store to pick up a power drill and some other tools she would need to start working on her 'cabin improvement' list. Calling her dad while she was there, Maddie was able to ask him for advice on what to get while they caught up with each other, her leaving out the very important fact that she had finally met her soul mate. She felt horrible about lying to her dad, but she wouldn't betray Bucky's trust like that before talking to him.

Saying goodbye to her dad, she lugged her heavy bags to her car and, feeling like she was on a roll, Maddie pulled into a home supply store to see what was in stock. Fortunately, they had a bunch of thick floor-length fabric curtains on sale, so opening up her video chat app, Maddie called Kim with the hopes that the hotel manager would be able to help her decide on what to get. After an hour of talking and shopping, (Maddie once again struggling to keep Bucky a secret but ultimately succeeding) the two women decided to go with some floor-length cream curtains for the four windows in the main room and one in a light gray for the window in the bedroom. Those paired with some dark wooden curtain rods, and a few other things she had picked up, would go a long way into making the cabin a home.

A little over three hours had passed since she had started this adventure today and as she turned off the car, after another white-knuckle drive through the forest, Maddie couldn't keep herself from slumping back against the plush leather seat. She was stressed, stiff, and sore, and the pain in her shoulder was beating along with her heart, but it was worth it. She had been productive today and the trip into town had distracted her for a good chunk of time. But now, as she sat in her silent car with the rain coming down around her, Maddie could feel the longing for her soul mate slowly seep back into her heart. Chatting with her loved ones, shopping, and running errands had been able to keep it at bay for the past three hours but now she couldn't stop herself from searching the trees around her for any sign of Bucky. Disappointment welled in her heart as she gazed out the rain covered windshield and saw no sign of him; her cabin was as dark and quiet as she had left it. "Whelp," she groaned while isolating the key for the front door. "Might as well get started."

.

Slowly box by box she lugged everything into the main room of the cabin and started unpacking. In no time at all her living room had become a mess of wooden rods, cardboard, plastic, and bedding, and when she finally added the last bag onto the mountainous pile next to her, Maddie groaned at the thought of making another trip into town to recycle all the boxes and bags. "God, what a mess." She muttered as she looked around the room at all she had bought. Bedding, pillows, and other decorative stuff (like a large round mirror, a vase, and some candles) she had gotten for the bedroom were clumped together next to the hallway, curtain rods and the matching drapes sat on the couch, and a new electric drill and other tools lay strewn about on the kitchen counter; battery plugged into the wall to charge.

Groaning in pain, Maddie bent and gathered as much as she could from the bedroom pile and took it into the room. Setting her load on the floor, she turned on some soft music and began to put the room together. Starting with stripping the bed, she took off the quilt, sheets, and pillowcases and moved them into the bathroom to be washed. After starting the machine Maddie began remaking the bed; loving the feeling of the soft sheets as she tucked them into place. "Duvet and the pillows next or I'll fall asleep before it's done." Sighing wistfully, she looked down and groaned at the mountain of six pillows she had to re-stuff into their new cases.

"Why the hell did I buy all of these?" Maddie complained as she arranged the wall of gray, white, and plaid fluff so that they lined the headboard. Getting the king size duvet into its equally huge cover was next, and this required almost more energy than Maddie was willing to give to the task but as she stood back, fanning her face with her hand, Maddie smiled in satisfaction. To see everything come together; the new white sheets, the mix of dark gray and white pillows, and the fluffy white and gray duvet looked amazing in a room with so much dark wood. "Ok, that's why." She admitted as she smoothed out the fluffy plaid cover. "The pain I'm experiencing right now will be so worth it tonight when I snuggle into this mountain of fluff."

.

Restlessness ruled Maddie for the rest of the day as the hours ticked slowly by. Her heart and mind were at war with each other and with nothing but time on her hands, she tried everything she could think of to keep her mind distracted from her situation. If someone were to walk in at that very moment they would have seen a woman standing in the kitchen, fiddling with some paper, while waiting for a kettle to heat up water. But, in reality, Maddie was a tense ball of nervous energy that was staring out the back windows, ripping up the wrapper of a teabag, while waiting for a kettle to heat up water. Logically she knew that sitting outside for the rest of the night waiting for Bucky, wasn't smart. But it was getting very hard to resist the tugging of her heart as it drew her outside again and again. She was hoping that some soothing chamomile tea would help to calm her because, at this point, she was almost incapable of denying the pull.

The sudden sharp whistle of the teapot startled Maddie so much that she almost knocked her mug off the counter. "Fuck! I give up!" With her heart in her throat, she carefully poured water into her mug, grabbed a quilt, and angrily dragged a dining room chair outside. Settling herself on the back porch, Maddie wrapped the blanket around her body and took a careful sip from her mug. The crisp floral taste brought back bittersweet memories of her mother and her enjoying the drink on a cold stormy night, but Maddie welcomed the memories of better times even if they made her heartache. Turning her phone onto a soft orchestral station; she breathed in deeply and let the smell of the damp forest, tinged with the floral aroma of her tea, calm her battered heart.

When a song from the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie started to play, Maddie giggled softly to herself as she was reminded of a particular scene that fit her situation. "He'll be back." She said with all the conviction of Keira Knightley's Elizabeth Swann talking to Jack Sparrow. "Yep, just wait, Captain Sparrow. You give it one hour, maybe two keep a weather eye open and you will see white sails on that horizon." Laughing to herself Maddie took another small sip of her tea as she gazed out into the shadowy forest.

.

Hours later, with no sign of Bucky, Maddie crawled under the warm fluff of her new bedding and forced herself not to cry.

.

* * *

.

Maddie woke up the next morning feeling awful; her head ached, her body hurt, and her throat felt like she had been eating glass the night before. "Oh my God." Rolling over onto her back, she threw her arm over her eyes and instantly regretted it as pain exploded in her back and shoulder. "God damn it!" She groaned, curling up in a ball on her side. "Is this a curse? Did I piss off a witch at some point? I should look around for hex bags" Laying there in absolute misery, Maddie watched as raindrops traveled down the glass, obscuring the view of the drenched forest outside.

'_Maybe I should just go home.'_

The thought of giving up brought tears to her eyes and she rubbed her face against her pillow, letting the cool cloth absorbed the wetness and soothe the dull ache in her head. After another few minutes of wallowing in her loneliness and self-pity, Maddie got up and shuffled to the bathroom. While she was there, she shook out two Tylenol and walked into the kitchen to grab a water bottle. Popping them into her mouth, she took a long drink and grimaced at the pain in her throat. Setting down the bottle she rubbed at the goosebumps that had started to rise on her arms. The chill was making her feel worst as it brought on a painful full-body shiver. Dumping the rest of her water into the kettle sitting on the stove, she turned on the burner, got out a bowl, and a mug for tea and oatmeal, and walked over to the fireplace. Bending down, she quickly started a fire in the hearth and sat with her knees drawn up to her chest, letting the warmth seep into her sore muscles. Staring into the slowly building flames, she listened to the rain beat down on the house and felt her heart sink under the weight of her loneliness. She desperately wished that someone was there with her.

.

Wrapped up snuggly in a quilt, Maddie sat on the couch and drank the last of her chamomile tea. Feeling the warm liquid soothes her scratchy throat, Maddie decided that a second cup would be worth the effort of getting up if it helped keep her sore throat to a tolerable level. Settling back, she sank into the couch and rolled her head along the back of the cushion, popping her aching neck. The releasing of pressure brought her a quick feeling of relief, but it was gone all too soon when she swallowed and the muscles in her throat burned in agony. "Wow, this sucks," Maddie whimpered when the back of her head throbbed painfully. Reaching out to secure the blanket around her shoulders, Maddie stumbled her way to the kitchen to refill her mug.

There was just enough hot water left for one more cup and, leaning heavily against the counter, she poured it into her mug and dropped in another teabag. "It's so cold today." Shivering, she picked up the warm mug and shuffled into the bathroom, breathing in the floral-scented steam as she walked. "A warm bath would be so nice."

Clicking on the bathroom light, Maddie was unprepared for a sudden flash of light and a sharp shattering pop. With a startled scream, she jumped and stumbled backward, hitting the washer, at the same time, splashing hot tea all over her hands. The sudden burning sensation caused her to dropped the mug and she watched as it fell, the ceramic shattering against the wooden floorboards.

The whole event only lasted for a few seconds, but it had scared Maddie so badly that she was shaking and gasping for breath, with her heart in her throat. Clenching her burned hands to her chest, she tried to relax. "Oh my God! What the hell!?" Struggling to calm down her racing heart, she took deep gulping breaths, holding them for a few seconds before letting them go. It was something her Doctor had told her to do if she felt like she was having a panic attack, but right now she felt like she couldn't get enough air. "That scared the shit out of me!" Glaring up at the broken bulb, she felt anger overtake her fear. "Did you just decide that today was a good day to die!?"

Shifting away from the washer, Maddie gasped as pain surged up her spine. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Oh God, that's going to leave a bruise." Struggling to straighten up, Maddie stood unsteadily. Every inch of her body screamed in pain and it was just too much for her to take. Tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks as she dropped her quilt to the floor. "That's it you fucker the gloves are coming off!" The surprise of the light blowing was the last straw. It pushed Maddie's strained control over the edge where, just like everything else, it lay smashed at her feet. With a scream of frustration, she climbed on top of the counter and all but ripped the dead bulb out of the light fixture. Then without thinking of the consequences, she threw it to the ground, reveling in the sound of it shattering on the floor.

Sitting down on the counter, Maddie felt her body begin to shake as the adrenaline in her system started to wear off. Soon she was just a sick woman trembling and struggling to breathe as sobs welled in her throat. Gasping, Maddie could feel a band tighten around her chest, making it harder for her to breathe. Suddenly a wave of dizziness washed over her, and she slumped back against the mirror. When tears started to blur her vision, Maddie hugged her legs to her chest, resting her forehead against her bent knees.

"Bucky?" She called out into the quiet cabin, hoping desperately that he would hear her and come to help. But when no one came to her aid Maddie began to cry in earnest. "Mom, please help me, please give me a sign that I'm doing the right thing in staying here. Let me know if I should just go home or not. I don't want to give up on him, on us, but I-I'm not sure w-what to do." Feeling just as broken as the glass and ceramic that lay on the floor, Maddie hung her head and sobbed.


End file.
